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Season 2: Phreaks of Interesting ReputeSeason 2: Phreaks of Interesting Repute (Part I)
Reality Date: August 20th, 2002Gameality Date: March 1, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Merri Roundbottom, a hobbit living with her large family in the hobbit ghettos of Hinkerville, hears a rumor about Kale having experience with gods (specifically Uptythe). In an effort to fulfill a dream about losing her virginity to a god, Merri goes to Kale's in order to find Uptythe. There she is told by an employee that she would have to talk to Kale about that, but that Kale is currently abroad. The employee also mentions that Kale has one end of a portal with him and that the other end is in Narf, so if she really urgently needs to find Kale, she may do so by going through the portal. The employee gives Merri directions to the portal in Narf. Merri thus travels there and enters the portal.
When Merri exits the portal, she is surprised to find that a whole bunch of other people who also had been stuck inside it come tumbling out with her. Unfortunately, Merri does not find Kale at the place she exits; instead, she finds herself in a guarded room containing his possessions, all locked up in crates. In the confusion, Merri overhears the guards talking about Kale being under house arrest. The guards, noting the inexplicable presence of a variety of people in the room, call for more guards to arrest all the people who came out of the portal. Merri hides in a crate of Kale's things and puts on Kale's cloak, hoping the guards won't notice her. Merri resolves to return Kale's things to him and rescue him from imprisonment.
As she is hiding in a crate, the guards do not notice Merri. Unfortunately, however, the guards nail the crate shut while she is inside. Then, suddenly, the cloak she is wearing begins speaking to her, telling her that it is in fact a person using magic to reside inside the cloak. This individual tells Merri that he has an idea about how they can get out of the crate, and then suddenly a very fat human man named Eagle appears on top of her. His weight crushes Merri, breaking one of her ribs. Fortunately for Merri, however, nearby friends of Kale's take her to a healer who fixes her broken rib.
Eagle tells Merri that Kale himself is actually a god, and that Eagle is the high priest of Kale. He adds that he will show her what he calls "The Way of Kale". Merri informs him that she seeks a god, and Eagle suggests that Kale might be the god who sent Merri her vision. Eagle and Merri, both very interested in rescuing Kale from his imprisonment, set off to find Kale. The friends of Kale who heal Merri also introduce her and Eagle to three other people who can help rescue Kale — a human named Mary, another human named Solabein, and an elf who identifies herself as [Dr. Fatalius].
Merri learns that Mary had been travelling with Kale, and Solabein and [Dr. Fatalius] have recently arrived from the warring city-states where they had been spies and then had tried to help another government get rid of a dragon who had been terrorizing the country. Solabein’s real name is actually Godwin the Wise, but he is posing as his dead father Solabein, who was an Ignoramian cleric, in order to fool Ignoramius into giving him magical power. He has been going by the name Solabein because he recently encountered one of his father’s old friends in the warring city-states and he was trying to make sure this person did not learn the truth about who he was. Additionally, while Godwin was leaving the city-states, he received (through a series of signs each containing one word/phrase) a message from the Ignoramians that said, “Solabein you must drink Potion Deux.”
[Dr. Fatalius] was also an assumed name, but nobody seemed to know what her real name was or what her real personality was, since she adopted a new persona every now and then to fit whatever situation she found herself in. In any case, Godwin and [Dr. Fatalius] had been thrown in jail when they reached Queensbarrow, and Mary had also been thrown in jail when Kale was placed under house arrest. Before he was arrested, Kale had a mage friend who was helping him read the memories of a child Kale had found to figure out who the child was. However, when Kale was arrested, it became dangerous for the mage friend to associate with Kale, even though he still wanted to help Kale. He sent somebody to the prison to consult with Mary about finding another magic user to continue the process. Godwin overheard this and volunteered, so Kale’s friends got him and his companion, [Dr. Fatalius], out of jail, and this is when Merri and Eagle met up with them.
Godwin and [Dr. Fatalius] seemed a bit confused about their roles in all of this and what exactly was going on, especially Godwin, who kept asking a lot of questions about what was going on. [Dr. Fatalius] didn't really seem to know what was going on either, but she seemed happy that she didn't know, having adopted the persona of an Ignoramian recently. Godwin spent most of the day learning a spell that he needed to know to help Kale, and in the meantime the person who had taken Merri to be healed took Mary, Eagle, [Dr. Fatalius], and Merri back to where Kale's possessions were. The person who had taken Merri to be healed managed to convince the guards to let the group in, but the group thought that one of the guards might alert someone about what they were doing. As he was leaving, Mary decided to go make sure he wouldn't interfere with the plans. Mary never returned, but the group thought that she would probably be OK wherever she was.
Kale had so many possessions that it took a few people to carry them all, though Merri made sure she got to carry most of them and the most important ones. After the group got Kale's possessions and while they were waiting for Godwin to learn his spell, Merri took the opportunity to descry Kale's possessions and figure out what they did.
After Godwin learned his spell, the rescue team was taken to a house across the street from where Kale was being held and told to rescue him and leave Queensbarrow for his safety. Godwin wanted to make a plan for rescuing Kale, but Eagle was tired of waiting and decided to go across the street and talk to Kale through the window, which had a small pane of glass broken out of it. Merri just decided to follow him. Kale was being held in a second story room, and there were about a dozen guards in the house. Only one of them was actually inside the room where Kale was, and he was asleep. Kale was also with the child he had found (Arugula, a half-elf) and the child's pet pig, Bacon.
Eagle lifts Merri onto his shoulders, and Merri is able to give Kale Eagle's rope so that he can climb down with it. Unfortunately, though, the rope is too short, and Kale believes that breaking the window enough to climb out would wake the guard. In the meantime, [Dr. Fatalius] climbed up to the roof of the house and down the chimney with her grappling hook and got inside Kale's room. [Dr. Fatalius], Kale, and Gula somehow managed to wake the guard up, and another guard came into the room. A fight broke out, but Kale magically created a wall in front of the door so that no other guards could get in. Godwin fireballed a guard who was trying to break down Kale's wall, and the other guards came rushing out after the rescue squad. Fortunately, though, they got swept up in a crowd of people whom Kale's friend was leading to a tavern for free drinks. Eventually, Kale and Gula escaped out the window, and the whole group met back at the house across the street from where Kale had been held prisoner. At this point, [Dr. Fatalius] revealed to the group that she was not really a doctor but a pig farmer named Jane. Merri also presented Kale with his possessions, and then the group left town. En route, Godwin continued to ask numerous questions about who Kale was, why he’d been in prison, and so on. Kale’s responses to these questions finally began to clear a great many things up for Godwin, and as Godwin and Kale began getting to know each other, a mutual interest and respect between them began to take shape.
Before the group settled down for the night, Merri tried to talk to Kale about her “destiny.” He denied his divinity, but later that evening, Eagle explains that this was merely a part of the Way of Kale.
Reality Date: August 20th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 2, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
After camping out for the night, the group gets up in the morning and decides that it would not be a good idea to walk through the Brumewood to get back to Kale's tree because of the nasty things that live there. Since their only other option is to travel south by sea, they head for the nearest seaside town other than Queensbarrow. While they are there, Kale sends word to his friends in Queensbarrow, asking them to send his patrons who had come through the portal with Merri back through it to Narf, and then to send the orb that controlled the portals to his tree. After doing all of this, Kale takes the group to a ship to take them back to his tree, and they set sail. Godwin spends most of the day isolated from the rest of the group performing the religious ritual of wandering around with a blindfold on and “reading” his Igoramian Bible (a blank book) in order to replenish his magical power.
Reality Date: August 20th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 3, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Kale asks Godwin to use his new spell on Gula, which takes all day. The group eventually learns that Gula's mother was an elf named Azetha, who used to be a companion of Kale’s. Godwin also discovers that Azetha had artificially inseminated herself with Kale’s sperm, which made Kale Gula’s father. Azetha did this with the help of a mage named Kram, whom Kale had employed on many occasions. Also, a wand of accelerated growth had been cast on Gula that was causing him to age at an accelerated rate, so although Gula was only a couple months old, he had the appearance of an 8-year-old.
Reality Date: August 28th, 2002Gameality Date: March 4, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
En route, Godwin drinks a vial of Potion Deux, which has the effect of imparting to him the knowledge that the slogan “Drink Potion Deux” was not actually part of his message and just a misinterpretation on his part.
The boat docks at a coastal city, where the group begins their overland trek back to Kale’s tree. They pass through the town of Gran Fiesta, “The International Party Capital of the World,” where they are sold many party items, where Gula attempted to shave a monkey with a razor that Eagle gave to him.
Reality Date: August 28th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 5—20, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The group walks back to Kale’s tree. Along the way, Merri and Eagle spend a great deal of time teaching Gula to talk. Merri also teaches Gula how to sing and dance, and they raise small amounts of money to contribute to their food and lodging costs along the way. Also along the way, Godwin receives the rest of his message, which in its entirety reads: “Solabein you must stop Nownot gone astray prevent repeat Hobsbaum.” Godwin and Kale also continued to swap stories and otherwise become acquainted.
When the group finally arrives back at the tree, Kale finds a number of distressing developments. Busk, the gnome he forced to take the cursed throne, is there with a mage and two trolls whom he had hired. Busk, who was significantly transformed into a goose, insists that Kale take the throne back from him. Kale and Godwin convince Busk that the best thing to do would be to find a way to destroy the throne and/or dispell the magic, and Busk somewhat reluctantly agreed to let the group try that.
Merri also discovered that the troll living in Kale’s tree, Henry, was depressed because he wanted to be a woman named Beatrice. Merri feels sorry for Beatrice and decides to help him. She spends the evening consoling Beatrice and listening to his poetry. Also, Kale learns via a message delivered to the brothel that one of his patrons who had been stuck in the portal was suing Kale.
Reality Date: September 3rd, 2002Gameality Date: March 21, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In order to help Busk, the group (minus Jane, who disappeared somewhere into the tree) goes with Busk and his trolls to the Hinkerville library to research what can be done about the throne. On the way to the library, Kale discovers that a Dungeon Enthusiast named Lady Ocelot has started building a dungeon (The Dungeon of Eldrich Doom) in the middle of the path between his tree and the road to Hinkerville, which he is not very happy about. When the group gets to the library, the trolls started knocking over shelves of books and promptly get themselves kicked out of the library. Busk accompanies them. The librarian insists that the group reshelve the books, which many of them do. However, some of them sneak off to do research, and ultimately Godwin finds a book from three years in the future that says that a spell that could help them with the throne would be put in the dungeon being built just outside of Hinkerville. When the library closes, the group returns to the tree.
Back at the tree, Mary finds Beatrice trying to sew a dress. She gives him lessons on how to sew it better, and then sews a bonnet to match his dress. The Ignoramian Nownot comes to the tree looking for Solabein, but Kale denies Solabein’s presence because Godwin is afraid that Nownot would recognize that he was not Solabein. Kale chases Nownot off by yelling facts at him. Before bedtime, Kale uses a magic item to run around in the treetops with Gula, which is the first quality time Kale ever spent with his son.
As she is preparing to sleep, Merri hears a whispering voice call her name. She follows the voice up to Kale’s room, where the voice tells her that it is inside.
Reality Date: September 17th, 2002Gameality Date: March 21, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Assuming that the mysterious voice calling to her from within Kale's room is part of a divine test from Kale to see if she is worthy of being the mother of his child, Merri tries to pick the lock to the room. This does not work, so she decides to go up to the top of the tree and climb down the outside to get in through Kale’s window. She ties a rope around her waist and ties the other end to the top of the tree so that she will not fall and die, which is fortunate because she soon becomes too afraid to go any farther and has to call for help. Kale comes out to rescue Merri, and she apologizes to him for failing in her mission, confusing Kale.
Reality Date: September 17th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 22, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The group gets up and heads for Hinkerville, where Kale decides to go talk to Kram about his role in creating Gula. Kram apologizes to Kale and explains that he hadn’t realized that Azetha did not have Kale’s consent for the artificial insemination. While the group was there, Merri gets Kram to do research for her so that she could learn a sex change spell to help Beatrice.
After visiting Kram, the group goes back to the library, where Kale hires some townspeople to finish reshelving the books the trolls knocked down. In the meantime, Merri does her own research related to the sex change spell and uses the opportunity to help Gula learn how to read. Gula learns many details of male and female anatomy, and also figures out what it means that Kale is his father. Also, Godwin, thinking that Potion Deux imparted knowledge, tries another one, which gives him the delusion that he was Merri’s slave.
After the library closes, the group goes to a political rally in the town square that had been rescheduled from the previous day due to an angry weather mage trying to brew up a storm to prevent the rally. At this rally, the two new mayoral candidates, Jundub (a human) and Karg'Thwap (an orc), have a debate. Jundub campaigns on a platform of lowering taxes for businesses and funding both a gladatorial arena and an investigation into last year's “Blue Warrior attack” (which was actually just a coverup of Kale’s when one of his companions killed the old mayor). Many in the party were persuaded that Karg'Thwap had much more realistic and benevolent goals, and believed that he favored more benevolent policies (in Godwin’s case this was largely because Karg'Thwap promised to subsidize the library). Karg'Thwap also did not seem interested in investigating the Blue Warriors, but his hideous evil appearance (including bright red eyes and huge tusks) and social skills (including his tendency to speak in a throaty low voice and look threateningly at the people around him) gives an impression that seems to turn the crowd against him. Merri, not knowing that Kale was behind the so-called Blue Warrior attack, is afraid of the Blue Warriors and supports Jundub's plan to do something about them. Kale, however, invites Karg'Thwap to dinner so that he could try to coach Karg'Thwap on how to appear less evil to the general public.
On the way home, Kale and Godwin finds Nownot approaching the tree, and Godwin decides to talk to him to find out what he wants. Nownot notices that “Solabein” looked a lot younger than he should, and Godwin rationalizes that he has changed his appearance so that nobody would know what he looked like. Nownot asks Godwin/Solabein if he is here to help, and Godwin gives a noncommittal answer. Ultimately, Nownot insists that Godwin arrange for a meeting at the brothel, but Nownot and Godwin do not set a time for the meeting or talk about how Godwin would let Nownot know when the meeting would be. After Nownot leaves, Godwin gets permission from Kale to have the meeting at the tree, and assumes that Nownot will turn up again to find out when the meeting will occur.
While the rest of the group is having dinner, Merri again hears the whispering voice calling her name and again follows it up to Kale’s room. This time she is able to break into Kale’s room, where she finds a safe that is standing open with a jack-in-the-box in it. Merri opens the jack-in-the-box, and it tells her that if she gave it one of the mayoral candidates to eat, it would tell her how to find the god whose child she would bear. Merri, believing that this is a servant of Kale and that she is being given a second chance at her test (especially since a human sacrifice seems consistent with things like Kale slaughtering Busk’s clan), hides the jack-in-the-box under her own bed. On her way down to the dining hall where Kale is entertaining his dinner guest, Merri runs into Kale, who had noticed her absence and started looking for her. When Kale inquires what she was doing, Merri admits to him that she had broken into his room and had been talking to the jack-in-the-box, thinking that this was what Kale had wanted. Kale tells Merri to stay away from it and not to listen to it, but he does not realize that Merri had taken it.
Reality Date: October 10th, 2002Gameality Date: March 22, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
After everybody goes to bed, the jack-in-the-box calls out to Gula, offering him information in exchange for one of the mayoral candidates. Gula follows the voice into Merri’s bedroom and finds the jack-in-the-box under her bed. Gula decides that it would be wrong to kill one of the mayoral candidates and that the jack-in-the-box needs to be gotten rid of, so he goes down to the pond and drops it in. The jack-in-the-box calls to Merri that it is sinking in the pond, so Merri goes out to look for it. However, it is too dark for Merri to see well enough to fish it out.
Reality Date: October 10th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 23, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
When the group wakes up in the morning, everybody but Merri (and Jane) goes down to breakfast. Merri takes this time to go out to the pond to fish out the jack-in-the-box. Just as Merri gets hold of the box, however, Kale comes out on his way into town and notices Merri. Thinking that Merri was doing her laundry, he lets her know that there are indoor laundry facilities that she could take advantage of. Merri just sits there smiling and nodding but not actually moving, so Kale and Godwin became suspicious. Gula realizes what Merri is doing, insists that she drop the box, and raises his toy sword to her. Merri does not comply, however.
At that moment, Eagle comes out to say his farewells because he had decided to go back to his people to educate them in the Way of Kale, leaving Merri behind to continue to learn more about the Way of Kale. When Kale turns to talk to Eagle, Merri pulls the jack-in-the-box out of the water and hides it under her cloak. Godwin, however, is watching her closely, and immediately reports to Kale that Merri had his jack-in-the-box (though Kale is in the midst of a tirade about not being a god and thus didn’t react immediately). When Eagle leaves and Kale returns his attention to the situation at hand, Merri admits that she has the jack-in-the-box, but claims that she thought she was not supposed to talk about her mission because of things that Kale had previously said about it. At this point, Gula becomes frustrated with Merri not dropping the box and decides to attack her. Merri easily evades Gula and runs toward the carriage Kale had prepared for the trip into Hinkerville. Kale and Godwin restrain Gula, and then Jundub arrives, wanting to talk with Kale.
Kale and Jundub go off to talk in private, Jundub’s purpose being to attempt to win Kale over to his side by offering him a thinly disguised bribe (he outlines his proposal for new tax regulations that would effectively eliminate Kale’s tax burden). Though initially wary, Kale ends up feeling less certain than before as to which candidate he wanted to support for mayor as a result of Jundub’s offer. Meanwhile, Merri tells Godwin and Gula that she needed to go urinate in the trees, in the hope that they would let her sneak off with the jack-in-the-box. Gula, however, insists on following her, and Godwin, who expressed suspicion of her true intentions before she headed off, followed stealthily when she runs into the woods. When Merri realizes that she cannot shake Gula, she climbs a tree. Gula, unable to follow her, quietly makes her way a little way through the treetops until she is out of Gula’s view. Then she climbs down and sneaks back toward the tree, where she watches from a distance the conversation between Kale and Jundub. At this point, she decides that the best thing to do would be to hide the jack-in-the-box somewhere where nobody else would know where it was, so she goes back into the woods and buries it.
After all of this, Merri goes back to the carriage and tells Kale, Godwin, and Gula that she has gotten rid of the jack-in-the-box. Kale repeatedly insisted that it was evil and that Merri needed to give it to him, and Godwin tries to talk some sense into Merri by arguing that even if the jack-in-the-box does have something to do with Merri’s destiny, that didn’t make its evil demands acceptable. His arguments merely resulted in Merri pondering whether perhaps her fate was a dark one, however. Finally, Merri relents, however, and Merri leads them all to where she had buried it. The group digs it up. Then they discuss what to do with it, ultimately deciding that burying it is actually the best idea. They then spend the rest of the morning burying it more effectively.
After this, the group goes into Hinkerville, where Kale takes care of some tax problems with his tree, Merri picks up her new spell from Kram, and Godwin goes to the library. At the library, Godwin finds Busk ineptly attempting to research what he could do about being turned into a goose, and crying. Busk persuades Godwin to try to get Kale to take the throne back from him. Godwin also decides that it would be a good idea to try to infiltrate the Dungeon Enthusiasts so that he could find out where they were going to get the spell from and get it first. To this end, he does some basic research on the Dungeon Enthusiasts so that he will not make a fool of himself trying to talk to them. While he is doing this, Merri and Gula (who had followed her to Kram’s and requested a spell of his own) come to the library to meet him there while they waited for Kale. Merri finds the distraught Busk and attempts to console him, and he convinces her to help him talk Kale into taking the throne back from him, too. They (and Godwin and Gula) find Kale posting ads for entertainers and for a mage who could do cross species transformations in the town square. Busk, Godwin, and Merri convince Kale that it was his responsibility to take the throne back from Busk, so they go back to the tree and he does so. In the meantime, Godwin goes to the construction site of the new dungeon and talks to one of the construction workers. He learns that he would need to talk to Lady Ocelot in order to find anyting out. Merri spends the remainder of the day learning her new spell.
Reality Date: October 10th, 2002 Gameality Date: March 24, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Merri spends the day learning her new spell, Godwin collecting expensive-looking clothing in order to infiltrate the Dungeon Enthusiasts. Gula educates himself, and Kale attends to various business concerns and finding magical toys for Gula, including Baby’s First Wand.
Reality Date: November 7th, 2002Gameality Date: March 25, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Godwin sets off to pay a visit to Lady Ocelot. After being delayed for hours by a stubbornly thick-headed and incredibly slow-moving servant, he is eventually admitted into the house to see her. Pretending to be interested in taking up dungeon-making, he converses with Lady Ocelot and asked her lots of questions about where she gets her supplies. Trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, he especially tries to steer the conversation toward the subject of cursed items and their remedies. Lady Ocelot gives him the business scrolls of a couple of her suppliers, including one that sounded perhaps halfway likely to be the source of the spell that Godwin was interested in. Less encouragingly, however, she also mentions that she likes to put cursed items in her dungeons and also leave scrolls that contain spells that would seem to lift the curses, but actually don’t.
Meanwhile, Merri begins experimenting with her new spell by giving temporary sex changes to two of Kale’s customers: A male dwarf and a female human. In order to get them to agree to this, she assures them that Kale is “insured” in case anything should go wrong. Both seem thrilled with the experience, the dwarf because it enabled him to have some novel sexual experiences, and the human because she could pee standing up. When Kale discovers what Merri was up to, he is initially a bit put off, but when he talks to the dwarf and realizes how much the dwarf was liking the experience of being female, he realizes that he could make money off of Merri’s new ability. He therefore discusses “business” with Merri and they decide that she would continue offering “free samples” for a while, and then, once word started to spread, they would start charging for the new service. Once Merri decides she has gotten enough practice with her spell by casting it on customers, she casts it on Henry, making him into Beatrice permanently.
Later in the day, while Kale is attending to business matters, an Ignoramian shows up at the tree looking for Solabein. He is told that Solabein was out, so he leaves, and Merri and Gula stealthily follow him back to his home. After learning where he lives, and hearing him getting scolded by his mother, they start heading back to the tree. On the way, they run into Godwin, who is returning from his visit to Lady Ocelot. They tell him about the Ignoramian as they make their way back to the tree.
Merri then decides to dig up the jack-in-the-box and remove it to a location where it would not be able to call to any of the party members (she hoped), and where they wouldn’t be able to find it. She also wants to get some insight on the matter of whether her fate was dark, so she decides to go back into town and pay her family a visit. When she gets there, she finds out that her father had mysteriously disappeared and that her mother believed that he had been kidnapped by the Blue Warriors. Her mother has little insight to contribute to her speculations regarding her destiny, so Merri, upset about the disappearance of her father, hides the jack-in-the-box at her family’s home and returns to the tree to tell Kale that the Blue Warriors had abducted her father and that something needed to be done about it. Kale then finally tells Merri the truth about the “Blue Warriors,” which, of course, was that there actually were no such individuals. Gula overhears this and is very upset, and he runs off. Merri and Kale follow him, and Kale explains to Gula that he had done some bad things in the past but was trying to redeem himself. Gula expresses a desire to learn magic, and Kale agrees to enroll Gula in a magic school.
Having learned where to find an Ignoramian, Godwin, assuming that this Ignoramian was associated with Nownot, decides to leave him a note telling him that he had arranged the Ignoramian meeting for the 27th (two days hence). He thus goes to the Ignoramian’s house, leaves a note on the doorstep, knocks on the door, and hides. Unfortunately, when the Ignoramian’s mother comes to the door, she does not see the note. Godwin then retrieves the note, folds it into a paper airplane, sneaks around the house, and sends it sailing in through the Ignoramian’s bedroom window. From his hiding place, he sees the Ignoramian pick up and read the note. Satisfied, he then goes back to the tree.
Reality Date: July 26th, 2003Gameality Date: March 26, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The party, accompanied by one of Kale’s guards (who was assigned by Kale to help Merri), goes to town. Once there, Kale parts from the others. Godwin’s destination was a cursed item shop called The Drunken Gypsy, which Lady Ocelot had mentioned to him as a place where she got some of her supplies, and although Merri’s goal was to look for her dad, she and the guard go with Godwin to the shop first. Godwin has difficulty getting the curse-obsessed old hag of a proprietor to grasp the fact that what he was interested in was curse remedies, not cursed items. Before he manages to get this idea across, she shows him several cursed items, the last of which was an armband that enabled its wearer to travel to any point in the future and stay there for one minute before being returned to his or her own time. Godwin is unable to see how this constituted a “cursed” item, unless there was some unstated catch or drawback, but the hag denies that there was one (while still maintaining that the item was “cursed” rather than merely being magical and useful, if also potentially dangerous). Godwin is highly interested in this item, but as he lacked the 90 lime that she was asking for it, he goes on with trying to get her to show him what he had come looking for. Meanwhile Merri, realizing how useful the armband could be, and assuming that Kale wouldn’t be able to afford it either given his customary stinginess, decides to try to steal it. The hag sees her trying to make off with it, though, and takes it back, telling Merri never to come back to her shop. Godwin eventually gets out of the hag the information that her daughter had some experience with lifting curses, so he asked if the daughter could come out to the tree to have a look at the throne. This was agreed upon.
Godwin then sets off for the tree with the hag’s daughter, while Merri and the guard go wandering around town, asking people if they had seen, or knew anything about the whereabouts of, her father. The hag’s daughter proves to be useless, leaving Godwin at a dead end in his efforts to help Kale with the throne. Merri’s efforts, which include a trip to her dad’s employer and a fruitless conversation with him, were also proving futile, so she eventually gives up and heads back to The Drunken Gypsy with intent to once again try to steal the armband. To this end, Merri attempts to disguise herself, but a failed sex change spell renders her attempt rather pathetic. When they get to the shop, the guard begins spewing eccentric nonsense in an effort to “distract” the hag, while Merri tries to scurry under the hag’s legs and into the shop. However, the hag sees and recognizes Merri, so she places a curse on Merri rendering her incapable of finding her way around. The guard reacts to this by punching the hag in the face, but not very competently, whereupon the hag places a curse upon him as well, so that he will have to feel the pain of any wounds that he ever inflicts on others. While the hag is busy being punched and cursing the guard, however, Merri manages to grab the armband, and the two then make their getaway.
Merri and the guard make there way back to the tree, which process is made difficult by the fact that Merri is convinced that the tree lay in the opposite direction from that in which it actually lay, due to her curse. By this time, Kale had arrived back at the tree. When Kale learns that Merri and his guard had assaulted a local shopkeeper and stolen a valuable magic item, he is not pleased. A discussion ensues about when and under what circumstances it was or was not okay to steal, as a result of which Merri makes some revisions to one of the tenets of the Way of Kale, which had formerly been “Stealing is wrong.” Eventually, the party gets to talking about the armband. Kale, not surprisingly, is quite paranoid about using it, and the fact that no one could seem to learn much about it by descrying does not help matters. Also, thinking about using the armband to get the curse remedy from the future, the party wonders whether one had to specify a time in the future to travel to when using it, or whether one could travel to the unknown point in the future at which a specific event would transpire. Deciding to test this, Godwin and Kale start discussing a plan for doing so, which would be carried out by Merri. The discussion quickly bogs down due to paranoia, however, so Merri, growing impatient, goes ahead and activates the armband, intending to travel to the point in the future at which Kale would put a rock that he was holding in his pocket (which he’d said he would do within the next fifteen minutes). She ends up traveling fifteen minutes into the future, and the Kale of that time tells her that he had put the rock in his pocket well before the fifteen minutes had elapsed, but that she had not appeared at that time. After talking to her future self and her future companions for a minute, Merri vanishes and reappears at the point from which she’d originally left, and the armband vanishes as she travels back to that point. Godwin and Kale are puzzled by the armband’s disappearance, and speculate that perhaps one of their future selves had grabbed it (or would grab it) off of Merri just as she was about to go back in time again. They all decide that Merri would grab the armband from her past self when the time came. She does so. However, a jewel on the armband that had previously glowed was now dim, indicating that the item was no longer charged.
At some point, Kale tries bouncing off of his collegues the idea that they should support Jundub’s candidacy for mayor, despite their previous support for Karg’Thwap. He argues that Jundub, because he already possessed power, would be more effective and capable of getting things done, and suggests (or at least implies) that they could control or otherwise use him in some way once he was elected. Merri and Godwin didn’t react especially favorably to these ideas, however.
Later in the evening, a couple of police officers arrive at the tree to inqure about the whereabouts of Merri and the guard, whose illegal activities had been reported by the hag. Kale attempts to stall them, aruguing that it was bad for his business to have officers of the law snooping around the tree, but his uncooperativeness only increases their suspicion that the criminals were in fact hiding somewhere in the tree. However, since they do not have a search warrant, the officers eventually agree to leave. After they were gone, much debate and arguing ensue concerning the theft and assult and about what to do with the stolen goods.
Gameality Date: March 27, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, the police return with a warrant, so Kale is forced to allow them to search the tree. In doing so, they find both of the suspects and make them come to the police station for questioning. Merri insists that Beatrice (in whose basement she had been hiding) come along, so that she could lead her back to the tree afterward. Unfortunately, Merri had previously given the armband to Beatrice, thinking that the troll wouldn’t give it up without a fight. As a result, the police find the armband when they got back to the station and confiscate it. They also arrest Merri and the guard. Merri confesses to the crime, but makes it clear that Kale had not had anything to do with it. She gives the police a sob story about how she had only stolen it out of an urge to help Kale, who, she claims, is too poor to purchase the armband. She also shows the police the tenets of the Way of Kale, which they find rather interesting.
Later in the day, an Ignoramian female shows up at the tree. Asked what she wanted, she only says that she is there for the meeting. Godwin informs her that she is early, but she appears already to be aware of this fact. As the time of the meeting draws near, Godwin, wanting to disguise himself somehow (to lend credence to his earlier claim that he changes his appearance from time to time), asks Merri to give him a sex change with her Sex Hex. She complies, but the results are not very helpful. At the appointed time, a bunch of Ignoramians show up and are shown to the room in which the meeting is to take place. Nownot asks “Solabein” to start the meeting, and Godwin stumbles uncertainly through the process of doing so. Then Nownot “explains” that the group was going to “carry out the plan,” just as they had in Hobsbaum, and tell “Solabein” that he would need to repeat the service that he had performed there. Very little else is said (apart from numerous apologies for the imparting of knowledge and so forth). Nownot then asks “Solabein” to close the meeting “in the traditional way,” and Godwin, somewhat belatedly, realizes that this entailed blowing out a candle. He does so, and everybody started to leave. However, Godwin stops Nownot and confesses that he cannot “remember” what it was that he had done in Hobsbaum. Nownot, however, claims not to know himself, and tells Godwin that he had better figure it out right soon.
Uncertain what to do, Godwin finds himself wishing that he could talk to the person (or people) who had sent him the message about Nownot, and who, as far as he can tell, seem to be opposed to Nownot’s goals. Thinking about the fact that they must have been watching him closely in order to have been able to get the message to him, it occurs to him that they might still be watching him. Working on this theory, he decides to stand in some obscure location and hold up a sign requesting a meeting at a specified place and time, in the hope that they would see it and meet with him.
Reality Date: August 9, 2003Gameality Date: March 28, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, Jundub came to the tree to ask Kale to formally support his bid for mayor. Kale made a deal with Jundub whereby Merri would be released from prison on probabtion in exchange for Kale’s public endorsement of him; once elected, Merri would then be permanently let off. Godwin didn’t entirely approve of this deal, but he was unable to dissuade Kale from making it. Kale then went into town with Jundub to get Merri, while Godwin, still frustrated about his general plight, spent the morning stewing in his room. His stewing was interrupted a few times when a woman named Dylie barged into his room in search of implements to give to some guy. It became clear that Dyle was a clueless prostitute who worked at the tree, and that she was attempting to fulfill what she regarded as a client’s obscure request that she “give it to him.” Godwin, irritated, told her to stop barging into his room. After stewing for a while, Godwin went into town and lurked in the dark alley that he had specified as the meeting place on his sign the night before. Unfortunately, however, no Igoramians (or others) showed up to meet him—although he did meet a hobo, who mistook him for Death. Upon returning to the tree, Godwin decided to avail himself of its services.
Shortly thereafter, Kale, Merri, and her probation officer (who turned out to be Hammerbellow, the “check me out!” dwarf) got back to the tree. Kale told Godwin that he didn’t have to pay for his indulgence. Before too long, Dylie crossed paths with Kale and company on her way out of the tree. Seeing Kale, she realized that he was her employer and told him that the place sucked and that she was quitting. The ensuing exchange made it clear that Dylie was not aware of what it was that she had been hired to do, or indeed of what kind of business Kale ran. Kale explained these matters to her. It also became apparent that Dylie had been abandoned by her parents at some point, though not being very bright, she had not realized that this was what had happened. Dylie expressed a desire to find her parents (provoking Kale to exclaim that all of his companions suddenly seemed to have similar needs, what with Merri’s missing father and Godwin’s need to figure out what Solabein had done in Hobsbaum), and suggested that she, as Kale’s employee, travel with him, in the hope that she might in this way find her parents. Kale found her a bit presumptuous, but no deal was either clearly made or clearly rejected, so Dylie more or less assumed that her plans was going to be implemented.
A bit later in the day, the party (including Dylie and Merri’s probation officer) went to town. Jundub was holding a big rally, and Kale was supposed to be there and address the crowd, making public his support for Jundub. He did so, while Merri and Dylie hung out in the crowd. Godwin, dismayed, went to Karg’Thwap’s headquarters to inform him of Kale’s betrayal and offer his own support. Meanwhile the speeches ended at the rally and it became a parade around town in support of Jundub. En route, Merri kept her eyes open looking for neighborhoods that looked familiar to her. When she saw one, she pointed it out to Kale so that they could go back later and try to find her house. After talking to Karg’Thwap, Godwin headed back to the tree, and after the parade was over, Kale and company went to Karg’Thwap’s headquaters. Kale told Karg’Thwap that he was obliged, for personal reasons, to support Jundub publicly, but that he would still support Karg’Thwap behind the scenes, but Karg’Thwap wasn’t interested in Kale’s assistance anymore. While they talked, Merri and Dylie joined the workers in an outer room and made “Karg’Thwap for Mayor” signs. Merri’s turned out rather well, so when they left, she hung it on Kale’s chariot until he made her take it off. They then went back to the neighborhood that Merri had pointed out, where their search for Merri’s house proved unsuccessful. They also went back to Merri’s father’s former place of work, where Kale questioned his employer, but they didn’t really learn anything new.
Later, with everyone back at the tree, a mysterious guy showed up claiming to be from the future. He said that Godwin, over the next couple of years, was going to spend a lot of time looking for the armband that Merri had stolen and that had since been taken back by the police, but would not be able to get his hands on it. Apparently, at some point future Godwin’s search would lead to this person, who apparently had the armband and who agreed to come back in time and sell it to present Godwin. It was all rather strange and confusing, and the guy was a bit vague about the nature of his association with future Godwin, but he did seem to know things about Godwin that Godwin would not tell just anyone. The price that he was asking for the armband was 900 lime, but when Godwin informed him that he didn’t have nearly that much money, the guy just assured him that he was confident that Godwin would find the money and be able to pay him eventually. Kale advised against accepting the deal, but Godwin, after making sure it was clear that he could not promise that he was ever going to be able to pay for it, and finding that the guy was not worried about this, agreed to “buy” the armband. The time traveler therefore gave it to him. Before leaving, he made a vague comment about how some kind of really bad thing was possibly going to happen in this general area in the future, but that we would all live through it.
When the time traveler departed, everyone went to bed. Kale, however, then snuck out and stealthily followed him down the path away from the tree. Hearing him leave, Godwin, Merri, and Dylie all went out and attempted to stealthily follow Kale. Godwin was more successful at this than the other two and quickly got ahead of them. Before long, Merri and Dylie made enough noise that Kale heard them and slipped off the path to hide. The time traveler, also hearing a disturbance behind him, turned back and spotted Godwin hiding in the trees. He started to walk toward Godwin and asked if Godwin was following him, but Godwin just made panicked gestures at him in an attempt to get the guy to ignore him and keep walking away, so that he wouldn’t give Godwin’s presence away to Kale. Eventually the guy more or less got the hint and set off again, whereupon Kale accosted him and started repeatedly erasing his memory of what was happening with his magic ring while he considered the question of what to do with him. He also expressed irritation at Merri and Dylie, who had now caught up with him, for having followed him, and Merri, in return, expressed irritation at him for sneaking off alone in the first place. Kale, Merri, and Dylie then argued for a while about what to do with the time traveler, while Kale continued zapping the poor guy’s memory every few seconds with the ring to keep him subdued. All the while, Godwin remained hidden, hoping to prevent Kale from realizing that he was present (although Kale did know that someone else was still lurking somewhere nearby). Kale wanted to kill the guy, but Merri objected to this, and ultimately convinced Kale to just let him go. They therefore tied a length of rope across the path and set the guy face down in the middle of the path right after it to make it look as though he had tripped on the rope, then slunk off into the trees while he came to his senses and took in his surroundings. Godwin at this point snuck back to the tree and went back to bed so that Kale would not see him on his way back. The time traveler picked himself up and continued down the path, and the remaining party members returned to the tree.
Gameality Date: March 28, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next day, Kale, Merri, Dylie, and Merri’s probation officer all went to Narf, where Kale consulted with a lawyer about the pending lawsuit against him. The lawyer said that he could delay the suit for years if Kale wanted him to, and Kale hired him to do this. While they were gone, Godwin (presumably) passed the time praying and/or journaling, and possibly also studying his spell book.
That evening, the party ditched Merri’s probation officer and headed for the dungeon-in-progress. Using Kale’s staff, Godwin flew himself to the area over the pit where the room containing the book would eventually be built. Then, steeling himself for possible battle with giant spiders (since the book from the future had indicated that the room he was going to visit was guarded by them), he activated the armband and was transported two years into the future. The environment in which he found himself was pitch dark, extremely cold, and not terribly rich in oxygen. Activating his Roving Vision spell to enable him to see, he was startled to find that he was face to face with a giant spider. Fortunately, he realized a second later that the spider was dead. He then commenced hurriedly scanning the books on the shelves in search of the one for which he had come. Spotting a likely candidate, he grabbed it, then continued looking for other likely candidates. Seeing none before the minute that he had before being sent back to his own time elapsed, and also feeling feint from lack of oxygen, he passed out just as he was returned to the past, where he promptly plummeted to the bottom of the pit over which he had been hovering. Two guards who were on duty and had started yelling at Godwin as soon as they noticed him flying out over the pit then climbed into the pit and started heading toward him. Fortunately, Godwin was not seriously hurt, and the return to an oxygen-rich atmosphere revived him quickly. Grabbing the staff, he levitated himself away from the guards, who then turned their attention on Kale (Merri having already run off). The guards told Kale to come with them, but since they were obviously intimidated by Kale and more concerned with not getting in trouble with their employer than anything else, Kale refused, and instead tried to talk his way out of the situation, claiming that Godwin had obviously been out of control and flown off course. Godwin tried to assist by flying at the guards and pointing Kale’s staff at them, hoping to intimidate them. However, the guards, while obviously scared, more or less held their ground, so eventually Kale used a spell to run up the trunk of a tree and made his escape, while Godwin simply flew away.
Back at the tree, the group read the book that Godwin had grabbed from the future, which proved to contain a history of the throne. According to the book, the throne had eventually been destroyed, and the curse broken, when Kale and others ground it up and ingested it all in one day. Both dismayed and intrigued, the group began brainstorming ideas for how they might go about ingesting an enormous golden throne. Merri suggested mixing the gold dust from the throne with moose meat stew (Kale had recently discovered that his supply of moose meat was regenerating down in the storage area) and holding a “stew kitchen” to feed hungry hobbits in the ghettos. She reasoned that this would not only serve to break the curse and feed the hungry, but also, it could be done as a benefit sponsored by Karg’Thwap, which might help him to get elected. Furthermore, if Merri’s family should show up to receive stew, it would solve the problem of her not knowing how to find them (due to the gypsie hag’s curse). In other words, this plan promised to help the group to solve a whole slew of problems all at once, and so the entire group greeted it with great enthusiasm. Too excited to go to sleep, the group immediately set off for town with the throne. There, they awoke the local miller, whom Kale bribed into allowing them to use the mill to grind up the throne.
Reality Date: August 29, 2003Gameality Date: March 29, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
When the party got back to the tree with the ground-up throne, they brought it to the kitchen and gave it to the cooks. Merri went to work helping the cooks to work out a good ratio of gold dust to stew. Meanwhile, what with the moose meat having taken to regenerating itself, Godwin and Kale decided to descry the area in which it was stored. Kale learned that the room was the source of the tree’s general magic, and that this magic worked on some kind of dramatic principle. After the descrying, considering that it was now dawn, Godwin, who was exhausted, went to bed. Merri went to bed a couple of hours later when she was done helping the cooks. Kale, however, spent the day supervising and pacing, despite his tiredness, and woke Godwin and Merri in the afternoon. Godwin then went to town to inform Karg’Thwap of the plans for the stew kitchen. Karg wondered a bit about where Godwin was going to get all the stew that he was promising, but he was delighted with the plan.
That evening, Karg’Thwap and his people, with Merri’s help, set up a serving table on a streetcorner in the hobbit slum. Kale continued supervising activities at the tree (his involvement in the whole endeavor was to be kept secret), and Godwin began ferrying stew from the tree to the stew kitchen, where Merri served it up to a constant stream of hungry hobbits. Karg’Thwap was on hand to greet hobbits, shake hands, and fail to kiss babies. After the stew kitchen had been going for a while, a couple of police officers showed up and asked to see Karg’s permit for it. Karg explained that he had applied for a permit and that the officials to whom he had spoken had okayed it, but the police officers did not accept this explanation. Since Karg’Thwap could not produce a permit, they said that they would have to shut the stew kitchen down. Not happy about this, Merri started speechifying to the hobbits present about how the police, presumably at Jundub’s instigation, were trying to deny them their food. Her rhetoric incited the beginnings of a riot, with hobbits chanting “Fuck you! We want stew!” The police then departed, and Merri went on serving stew to hobbits. When Godwin arrived on the scene with the next load of stew, Merri informed him of what had happened, and he quickly set off back to the tree (after offloading the stew) to let Kale know what was transpiring.
A short time later, a larger contingent of police officers, this time in wagons, came to break up the stew kitchen. The crowd, still quite riled up, started attacking the police, throwing stew at them and even tying one officer to a tree. Merri attempted to calm the crowd and convince them that violence wouldn’t solve anything, but she had little success. She therefore resigned herself to the situation and just kept serving stew. Godwin later returned with a disguised Kale, but neither of them could think of much to do to get the situation back under control, either. Eventually, however, the stew ran out, the hobbit riot was spent, and the tied-up officer was set free. Unfortunately, however, the riot had resulted in a lot of stew getting spilled or thrown on the ground, which was a problem, since the throne needed to be totally ingested. Hoping to solve this problem, Kale began calling to nearby animals to get them to come and eat the stew off the ground. He also sent animals to the police station to lick the policemen and their wagaons and so forth clean. The bizarre noises that all his animal speech entailed rather worried Godwin and Merri, since Kale didn’t explain to them what he was doing, and they concluded that Kale must be rather the worse for all of the stress and lack of sleep that he had been suffering of late.
Reality Date: September 5, 2003Gameality Date: March 29th, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Once the party was reasonably sure that as much of the stew as possible (which was hopefully all of it) had been consumed, they escorted the evidently flipped Kale back home to the tree, where everyone sacked out for the night.
Reality Date: September 5, 2003 Gameality Date: March 30th, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, a courier came to the tree to deliver Kale’s portal, for which he had been waiting impatiently ever since his return from Queensbarrow. While he was there, the courier mentioned that Hinkerville was buzzing with news of a “blue warrior” attack that had occurred during the night. Apparently, individuals dressed in blue robes had attacked the police station and killed at least one officer by stabbing him to death. The party was somewhat alarmed, and unsure what to make of this. Also, Kale felt some resentment at the idea that someone was evidently laying claim to what he saw as his concept/cover story.
After setting one end of his portal up in the tree and assigning a moronic guard named Linus to prevent anyone from going through it yet, Kale and the rest of the party set off for town, Kale planning to seek more information about the blue warriors, and Merri, whose sense of direction was starting to come back to her, hoping to find her family’s house. When they got to town, they found Jundub making a speech to a largish crowd. The speech was mostly about the blue warrior attack, but Jundub also made reference to the Hobbit rioting of the previous evening and to Karg’Thwap’s connection with it, and hinted at the notion that the two incidences of violence—the rioting and the blue warrior attack—might be linked. Spotting Kale, Jundub invited him to address the crowd and offer his thoughts on the subject. Kale dramatically flew up onto the speaking stage and tried valiantly to undo Jundub’s damage by suggesting that while the rioting hobbits probably had an agenda that might need to be addressed, the bule warriors were clearly just a bunch of cutthroats who were interested in nothing but killing and causing chaos. He finished with an appeal for unity in the face of this threat. After Kale left the stage, however, Jundub continued speaking, and twisted what Kale had said in an effort to make it sound as though Kale had agreed about the links that he was trying to suggest. Most of the crowd seemed to be buying Jundub’s view of events, although a few people were shouting out negative responses.
Alarmed, Godwin and Merri headed for Karg’Thwap’s headquarters to discuss the situation with him, while Kale went off alone to try to find more information about the blue warrior attack. Godwin suggested that Karg’Thwap hold a rally of his own in the evening so that he could publicize his own (more accurate) version of the events of the previous evening, and Merri volunteered to speak on his behalf at said rally. Merri and Godwin then went to Merri’s family’s house, which Merri, fortunately, was actually able to find. From her mom, Merri learned that her dad had been back, but was now gone again and was behaving mysteriously, claiming that he had “something good for the family” going on, but not volunteering any information about this “something.” In addition, Godwin and Merri learned that Merri’s father was now in possession of the jack-in-the-box and had said that he was going to get rid of it. In the meantime, Kale managed to find a drunk guy who claimed to have witnessed the blue warrior attack, thus verifying the story, but he didn’t learn much more about it.
Godwin and Merri went back to the tree. When they got there, they found Nownot waiting for “Solabein.” Nownot informed Godwin/Solabein that he was to perform his service at 7:47 pm that evening. Godwin acknowledged this, and when Nownot added that he trusted that there would be no problems, Godwin assured him that there wouldn’t be. Nownot then turned to leave, but Merri approached him and started going on about how cool she thought he and his followers were. Nownot was suspicious and wanted to know what “Solabein” had told her about them, but she just said that she didn’t know anything about them other than that they were apparently members of some kind of religion and that they all looked cool in their robes. She also mentioned that she had had a dream telling her that she was supposed to seek some god or other, though she didn’t kow what god. Apparently satisfied, at least for the moment, that she might be interested in joining the Ignoramians, Nownot told Merri that she could come to their next meeting. “So I’m just supposed to wait, then?” she inquired. Nownot, however merely replied “I did not say that,” and strode off. While Godwin stewed and panicked, then, Merri stealthily followed Nownot to the apartment in which he apparently lived.
Sneaking into the building, she lurked outside of his door and heard the sound of a whip cracking and Nownot begging forgiveness for having learned various things. Curious, she opened the door a crack and peeked in, but this was immediately noticed by Nownot and the Ignoramian who was whipping him, so she was hauled into the room and questioned. She explained that since Nownot had denied having told her to wait, she had decided that she was supposed to take action on her own, and so she had followed him—but assuming that he wouldn’t want to know that she was following him, she had done so stealthily. Nownot, seeing that the hobbit needed to be whipped for the knowledge that she had gained, told her to remove her tunic. When Merri refused, the person with the whip tried to whip her anyway, but she dodged behind Nownot to avoid the whip. Nownot then became disgusted with her and told her to leave. She did so, but once she had rounded a corner at the end of the hallway, she lurked and waited. After a short time, the whipper emerged and headed down the hallway toward Merri. Merri hid behind something until she had passed, then went back to the area just outside Nownot’s door and listened some more. This time she heard Nownot praying to Ignoramius. In his prayer, Nownot made a reference to the “massacre” in Hobsbaum and asked his deity to prevent things from going similarly wrong this time.
Realizing that she had gleaned valuable information and that it might be possible to learn more about this massacre at the library, Merri set out for the library, but got lost due to the permanent effects of her curse and ended up in a canoe shop. There, she succumbed to a sales pitch and found herself purchasing a canoe on credit (telling them to bill her at Kale’s tree and that she’d be back to pick up her canoe later), all in order to get directions to the library from the salesperson. Leaving the shop, she realized that there was no longer time for her to go to the library, research the massacre, go to the tree, fill Godwin in, and get him back to town all before 7:47, so instead she headed for the courier office, intending to send a messenger to Godwin and have him come to town and meet her at the library. At the courier office, she was fortunate enough to run into Kale, who was there looking into the possibility of getting a message to Jorlie Satch-Anvilson, whom he wanted to hire to perform at the tree. Merri told Kale both about her dad and about the Ignoramian situation. Kale, hearing about Merri’s dad’s doings, said something about him being a “slippery” character, to which Merri took offense. Merri also told Kale about the canoe, which got them bickering about Merri’s impulsive purchase and her assumption that she could “bill the tree” for it and also led Kale to comment that Merri was just as “slippery” as her dad was. Shortly thereafter, Merri said something implying that Kale was “shady.” The outcome of all of this was that Kale and Merri adopted the nicknames “Slippery” and “Shady” for each other. While they bickered, however, they were also heading Ye Olde Deade Ratte Inne, where Kale planned to rent a room in which he could set up his portal and use it to go back to the tree and get Godwin. The innkeeper thought Kale and Merri’s need for a room for a couple of hours was odd (“Why don’t you just use the tree?” he wanted to know), but they got the room, set up the portal, retrieved a panicked Godwin, and filled him in. The party then headed for the library, where a bit of research yielded some interesting results. Apparently, what the Ignoramians had done in Hobsbaum was to burn down libraries, schools, and other centers of learning and knowledge. The result, however, had been a backlash against them culminating in the massacre of several Ignoramians. Reading about this triggered a faint and distant memory in Godwin of having been pulled out of a burning building once, long ago.
Though he now knew what the Ignoramians were planning, however, Godwin still didn’t know what his role was supposed to be. He also wasn’t sure how he could go about stopping the Ignoramians from burning down the library while at the same time putting on a show of fulfilling his role, even if he were to somehow find out what that role was. Still panicky, therefore, he asked Merri to lead him to Nownot’s abode, where he hoped, in the scant time remaining (it was now less than an hour), to glean information about what role his father had played in the events in Hobsbaum. When they got there, he used his Roving Vision spell to peer into Nownot’s apartment from outside, and spotting a journal, he quickly scanned its recent pages. To his dismay, he read Nownot’s musings in the journal about how strongly he suspected that “Solabein” wasn’t really Solabein. On the bright side, though, he also found what he was looking for: it seemed that Solabein’s contribution had been to create fog to obscure the illicit doings of the pyromanaical Ignoramians. At this point, however, time had all but run out, and Godwin, of course, had no means of creating fog. In a blind panic, he dashed to the nearest magic shop and demanded to be shown anything that the shopkeeeper might have that could produce fog, emphasizing that he needed something of this sort right now. The only thing that the shopkeeper could offer him was Potion Deux; if one broke a bottle of the drink open, he explained, it would give off a bit of greenish vapor. Godwin hurriedly bought as much Potion Deux as he could pay for and went running toward the library with it, Merri following him.
Meanwhile, Kale had gone off to alert Jundub and the police that someone was about to set fire to the library, and possibly to schools and other institutions of learning as well. He had then returned to the library and positioned himself on its roof. When Godwin and Merri arrived at the library, Godwin started wildly throwing bottles of Potion Deux at the ground, producing a few wisps of sickly-looking mist. When he did so, some Ignoramians emerged from hiding and, attempting to use the mist as cover, set fire to the library. Merri snuck up behind them, and, hearing one of them complain, “God, this fog sucks!”, expressed agreement. Asked who she was and what she was doing there, Merri responded that she was a friend of Nownot’s and that she was there for “the meeting.” The Ignoramians informed her that this was not a meeting, and that, in fact, it was a very bad time, and told her to go away. Meanwhile, Kale, up on the roof, used a Water Wall spell to create water in midair above the fire. As he intended, the water fell onto the flames and put them out. At about this point, the police showed up and arrested the Ignoramians. They were about to arrest Merri along with them, but Kale intervened and convinced them that she had not been involved in the arson. With the situation apparently under control, the party took off for the school, but when they got there, they didn’t see any Ignoramians, so they concluded that if any had been there, they had probably already been arrested.
Realizing that his rather sad performance had probably confirmed Nownot’s suspicions about him, Godwin decided to go to the police station in order to try to find out whether or not Nownot himself had been arrested. Asking about the prisoners, as well as being an associate of Kale's (Kale having been the person who alerted the police to the arson scheme), naturally led to Godwin being interrogated by the police, so he claimed to be a former member of the conspiratorial group that had tried to burn down the library who had turned against his companions upon finding out what they were actually up to. The police more or less bought this story, and Godwin managed to get out of the situation without incriminating himself or his companions; he also failed to learn anything about whether or not Nownot had been arrested, however. Returning to the inn, where Merri and Kale had already regrouped, Godwin paced worriedly for a short while whilst his companions bickered about Merri's canoe-purchasing antics and sundry related matters. Tuning out his companions even once their attention began to turn to him, Godwin began muttering about the possibility of killing Nownot, much to the alarm of Merri (and somewhat to the alarm of Kale as well). Abruptly, Godwin then ceased his pacing and muttering and made the decision to find and kill Nownot. Ignoring Kale's reservations and Merri's protests, he set off, only to have Merri declare her intent to accompany him. With the irritated explanation "If you come, the fireball will target you!", however, Godwin dissuaded his companions—who, unaware of the nature of his spell, could only assume that he was threatening to attack them if they interfered—from following him.
Arriving at Nownot's, Godwin spied his quarry through the window, ranting to a male sprite and a fat human woman who were part of the group of Ignoramians (the only ones besided Nownot who hadn't been arrested, apparently). He then smashed the window, hid, and directed a fireball at the nearest target who knew that he wasn't Solabein, figuring that if in fact Nownot didn't know it, then he wouldn't get targeted and no harm would be done. The fireball did target Nownot, however, and the flaming Ignoramian leapt out the window screaming. Godwin, still hiding, sent another fireball his way, causing Nownot to drop to ground, writhing. As a crowd began to gather, Godwin fireballed Nownot a third and final time for good measure, then stealthily took off and headed into the woods toward the tree. Deep amidst the woods, he, sat down to stew and sulk.
Meanwhile, Merri went back to the canoe shop to pick up her canoe and began dragging it back to the tree, singing as she went. Kale, for his part, hung out in town until the outbreak of a commotion alerted him that Godwin had acted, then took down the portal, checked out of the inn, and set out to locate Godwin, whom he eventually tracked to the spot in the woods where he was sulking. After a bit of persuading from Kale, Godwin agreed to head back to the tree, and the two set off for that destination. When they reached the path, they met up with Merri, who had been making rather slow progress due to being burdened with the canoe. As the three companions made their way back to the tree together at the end of this intense and eventful day, Merri and Kale passed the time by engaging in still more bickering about the canoe.
Reality Date: September 12, 2003Gameality Date: March 31, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
First thing the next morning, Merri headed out to the pond to try out her new canoe. Unfortunately, the inexperienced hobbit managed to get herself stuck out in the middle of the (very small and shallow) pond, unable to figure out how to paddle herself back to shore, and Godwin had to wade out and pull her canoe out of the pond for her. Aside from this, Godwin spent the morning stewing about what he had done on the previous evening. He tried to journal about it, but found himself unable to write much and indeed uncertain how to feel about himself. Meanwhile, Kale went to town and purchased a small, run-down, one-room shack to serve as a "storefront" in Hinkerville—i.e., a place to set up the other end of his portal so that customers—as well as Kale and his companions themselves—would have a quick and easy means of traveling back and forth between town and the tree.
Upon Kale's return to the tree, the party headed back to town together via the new portal/storefront setup and went to the hospital, where Godwin used his Roving Vision spell to locate the room containing Nownot and asertain his status. Nownot, he discovered, was still alive but was not in good shape at all; he more closely resembled a lump of charcoal than a person. Entering the hospital, the party attempted to casually make their way to Nownot's room, where they hoped to get a better look and further ascertain his level and health and/or consciousness, but they got headed off, so they existed. While Kale and Godwin discussed outside, Merri decided to go back in and try gaining access to Nownot's room via stealth. She succeeded in sneaking in, and found that Nownot was indeed unconscious and that he had healing goo smeared all over his body. She then exited and reported back to Godwin and Kale. Meanwhile, Kale was approached by a woman who asked for his autograph. After he compliantly signed his name for her, she departed his and Godwin's vicinity, but Kale's rampant paranoia led him to suspect that he spotted a manaical gleam in her eye as she headed off, and thus to worry about what horribly nefarious plot might be afoot against him.
Returning to the tree, the party explained Merri's unauthorized excursion to her parole officer by claiming that she had almost drowned in the pond that morning while canoeing and that they had therefore felt in necessary to take her to the hospital. The dwarf was somewhat miffed, but he seemed to more or less buy this story.
Reality Date: October 3, 2003Gameality Date: April 1, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, Godwin found himself musing about the possibility of going to the hospital at night and finishing Nownot off. Merri's reaction to this was strongly negative, so Godwin drew Kale aside privately to get some candid advice. However, Kale had little in the way of clear advice to offer; he seemed to go back and forth a few times in the space of as many minutes as to whether Godwin's contemplated course of action was advisable or inadvisable. Godwin thus gained no clarity either of thought or of purpose from the conversation. Merri, meanwhile, did a goddamned secret thing, which almost certain consisted of eavesdropping on Kale and Godwin's conversation.
The party then decided to attempt to deal with the missing jack-in-the-box issue. To this end, they split up and set out to ask questions at the local magic shops in the hope that the item might havev "surfaced" at one of them. This goal/plan was mainly Kale's, actually; Merri, though less concerned about the jack-in-the-box than Kale was, participated, and Godwin, though theoretically very concerned about jack, was too distracted with his own problems and murderous thoughts to fully interest himself in the matter, though he did tag along. The inquiries at the magic shops failed to turn up any information, however. The party thus reunited and went to Merri's family's house, where they learned that the "something good for the family" that her father had hinted at previously was now about to come to pass: namely, the family was moving into a posh new dwelling known as Castle Estates. Rather disturbingly, they also learned that dear old dad had recently and mysteriously lost three of his limbs—a development about which no explanation was known to the rest of the family. Very alarmed, and guessing that the limbs had gone to the jack-in-the-box, the party headed to this "Castle Estates" joint to check it out. They found the building guarded by a number of identical and apparently mute guards who would not allow them to enter. Kale, frustrated and feeling as though a gauntlet had been thrown down before him, voiced a sudden urge to storm the castle; when asked about why he wanted to do so, a discussion of the merits of the notion ensued, in the course of which Kale expressed his view that "more important than good or evil is adventure."
Reality Date: October 17, 2003Gameality Date: April 1, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Thwarted in their efforts to investigate Castle Estates directly, the party retired to the storefront to strategize. Observing that all too often the individual members of the party tended to be at cross purposes—or at least not working together effectively—they resolved to attempt to reverse this pattern when and if they set themselves to the task of infiltrating the "castle.” These observations and others led Kale to decide that what the party needed was a "Burglary 101" session, so he went to a shop and bought a blackboard to utilize as an instruction aid. The party then began attempting to go over some basic principles of effective burglary/infiltration, despite Godwin's repeated inquires as to what, exactly, their goals were, to which no one seemed to have much of an answer. While they were doing this, some noises alterted them to the presence of someone else in the "storefront" shack; investigating, they found a young kid lurking in a pile of refuse. After a brief interrogation that made use, to some extent, of "good cop/bad cop" tactics, they concluded that the kid was a harmless hobo and allowed him to leave. Then, seeking to ensure that there were no other lurkers in the shack, they conducted a thorough search of it. When the search turned up a large spider egg, Kale's paranoia kicked in and he briefly considered burning the shack to the ground. In the end, however, the party merely smashed the egg and killed most of the spiders that emerged from it.
Ultimately, the party decided to sneak back to the vicinity of Castle Estates and "case" it with the goal of eventually gaining entry, whether via force or stealth. Godwin used his Roving Vision spell to check out the interior of the building and learned that while the upper floors consisted of a number of very nice-looking hobbit dwellings, the basement contained a bizarre laboratory that seemed to be dedicated to the creation of clones (which, the party noted, explained the identical guards). While lurking in the vicinity, the party was somewhat surprised to see Jundub approach and the enter the "castle," followed by the presumably cloned guards who had been standing outside the entrance. A short time later, the guards—or some guards, anyway—re-emerged, now no longer identical to each other.
Having learned all that they expected to be able to learn for the night, the party departed Castle Estates. Godwin had thoughts of slipping off to pay Nownot a lethal visit, but unfortunately, he was too ambrosially drained to tackle the task on this night, so he resigned himself to heading back to the tree with the others instead.
Reality Date: October 17, 2003 Gameality Date: April 2, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, Jundub came to the tree and informed Kale that he had been spotted near Castle Estates the previous night. He went on to strongly advise that Kale and company stay away from the "castle" and mind their own business. Kale tried via a variety of subtle and not-so-subtle inquiries to get Jundub to let him in on whatever it was that he was up to, but Jundub was not receptive to these attempts.
The party then went to town to pay Merri's family a visit and advise them about the questionable activities that they had discovered to be going on in the basement of Castle Estates. Merri's mother, however, was too taken with the idea of a better living situation for her family to allow herself to be put off by—or even really to listen to—the information that the party had learned. Indeed, she in general reacted very negatively to both Kale and Godwin during this visit, allowing herself to make some comments that stank of racism against non-hobbits, much to the irritation of the humans. In spite of this hostile reception, however, the party agreed to help the family with the moving process (though Kale apparently intended to play more of a lurking role than a helping role). When the arrived at Castle Estates and the time came to start hauling things in, though, Godwin found that the guards would not allow him to enter the building. Thus prevented from being able to help out, Godwin resorted to standing just outside the building with his arms crossed, staring and glowering at the guards and the hobbits, who continued to behave in a racist fashion.
After the moving-in process was finished, Merri went downstairs and found her father, who turned out to be very much aware already of the cloining operation in the basement—in fact, he was involved in it, having apparently all of a sudden acquired magical talents sometime recently. Using a combination of concern, guilt tactics, and stern demands, Merri proceeded to pump her father for information, and although he exhibited great reluctance to spill any, the fact that Merri already somehow knew bits and pieces about most facets of the situation kept throwing him off his guard and prompting him to add details that he had initially hoped to keep to himself. What she learned was that the clones, which he had helped to create, were in fact the assualt force currently terrorizing the town under the guise of the "Blue Warriors," and that Jundub (as the party had already surmised from ample evidence) was behind the whole thing. Merri also got her father to admit that the jack-in-the-box was currently somewhere in the building. Returning to Kale and Godwin, Merri reported all that she had learned. Upon hearing that jack was on the premises, Kale instantly demanded that Merri seek to get ahold of it. Merri tried to tell Kale that her father wouldn't allow that, but Kale merely lectured Merri about her priorities and continued to insist that jack had to be retrieved. In the end, Merri more or less committed herself to trying to get it back.
Reality Date: October 24, 2003Gameality Date: April 3, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
back to tree, parole officer confronts Merri, Merri flatters, offers to recomment for promotion, dwarf not impressed, institutes hourly check-ins
Godwin goes to Karg to inform about Jundub, Karg requests proof & offers payment
Merri goes w/ parole dude to shop to look into tissue regen spells
Kale & Godwin go to magic shop to look for magic items to help with recording info; find tape recorder, but Kale will neither buy nor rent; Godwin is frustrated; also., Godwin slips up & says something about Jundub that makes shop folk suspiecious, but mostly extricates himself
Magic shope folk want to sell love potions when Kale asks about truth serum
party returns to tree; Merri feigns losing track of time, checks in w/parole dude, then goes to castle to try to talk to Dad, tell him he’s in trouble. guards won’t let her in or dad out, Merri darts in under legs, gets caught & tossed back out
comes back to tree, reports, party decides to “try to get into the castle” & search for proof, etc; (Godwin has stealth in mind); Merri tires to get parole dude to come, he’s having sex, so merri says “catch up with me” & goes
go to castle, Kale scales wall, engages tguard in combat; Merri incites riot in front; Godwin lurks, not wanting to use spigot points
Kale eventually kills guard, two others go down in, Kale goes to front to kill guards at door, Godwin decided to act after all, fireballs remainin tower guard, Kale later finishes him off, then makes epic speech, doesn’t exactly carry crowd
Reality date: November 1, 2003Gameality Date: April 3, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Party heads into castle, finds more guards, fights with them (Merri using torch), (Godwin enters last, doesn’t fight, tries to get past like Merri did, fails, Merri heads downstairs, fight ends, Kale & Godwin head down., Kale casting wall to block more guards from getting to them
Find pa downstairs, Godwin starts looking for evidence among papers on deks, finds some perhaps circumstantial stuff, Merri tries to explain situatipn to Dad, tell him he needs to leave now, pushes wheelchair toward stairs. More guards come down stairs, we get key to lab from pa, go in, find four more guards there, say “oh shit.” Kale quaffs speed potion, returns to main room, starts fighting, Godwin stuck in lab, fireballs guard in front of him, Merri hauling pa upstairs, Kale grabs Godwin, pulls him along, Godwin gets nasty slash, goes into shock, is dazed and babbling, party exits room, Kale blocks guards in downstairs with another wall
Gathered up family & persuade/intimidate them to leave castle while Godwin wanders off in not good shape, planning to go to Nownot’s hospital, but stops off at tavern, has “healing beers,” gets propositioned by gay man.
Kale, Merri escort family off, get accosted by cop, try to give a story & shake her off, she wants to take them to station, they try to get away, Kale uses memory ring until Merri & family are out of sight, then bolts, cop protests but doesn’t catch.
Kale & Merri go back to tree, Kale sets guard on room with family in it but says they shouldn’t feel like prisoners, Linus displays incompetence, Kale fires him, then relents and tells him to go guard the portal (to get him out of the way); Merri confronted by parole guy, he again says “don’t do it again.”
Kale sets off to look for Godwin, Merri goes to get Karg & bring to tree. Kale goes to hospital, they won’t tell him if Godwin is there, he asks about prices for healing services, they won’t tell himn that either, argument ensues, red herring delivery occurs, Kale goes away unhappy, goes to castle. Meanwhile, Godwin stumbles home, goes to bed. Merri brings Karg to tree, wakes Godwin, gets papers from him, he goes back to sleep, Merri shows evidence to karg and has pa talk to him, but pa refused to testify.
Merri gets Linus to try to rouse Godwin, round up other guards, go off to storm castle to get more evidence. Guards won’t listen, Godwin won’t get up, so Merri sends Linus alone, taking his post at the portal.
Kale, at castle, finds that it’s being moved out of (Jundub present), follows carts back to Jundub’s estate, rides underneath one into the grounds, hides cloak in backback, grabs big box (coffin), heads in with face blocked by the coffin.
Reality Date: November 15, 2003Gameality Date: April 3, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Kale follows folks in, around corners, down stairs into storagey basement, then hides behind some crates. Someone sees him out of the corner of his eye and has an attack of paranoia; Kale throws an empty bottle to distract them, switches hiding places, a brief search ensues, and then they go back to hauling. Later, when people go away, Kale hunts/descries for jack, but doesn’t find it. Finding himself locked in the basement, he uses a barrier pit spell to make a pit outside the wall, then tries to push his way through the wall to escape.
Merri, after guarding and studying her new spell for a while, goes up to try it out on Godwin. This involves pouring water on him. Godwin is dreaming about a shoemaker who’s harrassing him and pissing on him. Then she tries to wake him up, thoroughly annoying him and at one point pulling him off of the bed onto her. She wants Godwin to go with her to search for Kale, but even when awakened enough to grasp this, Godwin refuses; he’s tired, hung over, and just not in good shape. So Merri gets Beatrice to go with her instead.
They go to Castle Estates which they find still guarded. Merri climbs up Beatrice onto one of the towers, then goes down the stairs. Finding a suit of armor in the hall, she puts it on and clanks her way down the hall, grabbing a torch as she goes. She finds the downstairs area empty & deserted and no evidence of where everything went, so she leaves the way she came in (doffing the armor and tossing it down to Beatrice first). She tries to look for trails of blood or some such in the street, thinks she finds cart tracks, follows them to a cart rental place She then follows them back the other way and finds her way to Jundub’s estate, where she persuades Beatrice to lift her over the fence. She peers in a window, tries to climb on some bushes and look for a way in, but finds no way that wouldn’t make noise. She then asks Beatrice to yell and create a distraction; Beatrice starts yelling about needed directions, but gets ignored by the guards.
Kale tries “planting” torch seeds in the wall and spits on them to activate them; the pressure wrecks the wall, and he is able to get out—but there’s brick above him, so he starts digging horizontally below it.
Merri tries various rock-throwing ploys, finally throwing caution to the wind and throwing a rock through a window at close range, breaking it. She peers in, sees guards peering out, hides. Then does the same thing to another window. Commotion break out inside. She circles around the house doing the same to two more windows. Guards come out looking for her; she hides; they don’t see her. She gets Beatrice to help her back over the fence, then starts lighting bushes on fire along the fence with he torch, causing mayhem. People come out & head for constable’s office, Merri follows, then goes home.
Kale hears voiced behind him—the paranoid guy has found his hole in the wall and concludes that there’ s a huge rat; Kale starts being rangery and making animal noises that don’t fit the context, also turns his cloak on to create eerie green light. One guy starts urging the other to go in, find the creature, and kill it. They don’t though; they eventually make to leave. Kale peeks out, turns the cloak off, & shockbolts one of them, then turns cloak back on & makes more noises. They flee; he deactivates again, bolts after them and up the stairs. With the door open, he pushes past them; they see him and react, he pushes one back through the door/down the stairs and slams the door shut. The other gapes for a second, then gets spun around by Kale & nailed with the memory ring, then Kale runs off down the hall. He throws open the doors and runs out past the guards outside, notes burning shrubbery, dashes off around the house trying to avoid guards, gets chased, can’t get out of sight, flies over wall anyway (flipping off the chasers before he runs away), heads home; he & Merri get there at the same time. Merri mentions the Linus mission, Kale takes portal down, asks Merri not to send his guards on missions in the future. Then they go talk to Karg, show him the Tome that Kale brought back from Jundub’s manor. Then everybody fricking goes to bed (Merri still in full plate). Kale tries to reconcile a bit with Karg, but isn’t too tactful; gives the impression that he’s settling for supporting Karg. Karg leaves with tome.
Reality Date: November 15, 2003 Gameality Date: April 4, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Godwin gets up around 11 am, as does Merri. Karg’s advisors show up, Kale rises, everyone talks to them, they want to know where the book was gotten (Jundub has denied all charges & is blaming blue warriors for an incident at his house last night). Kale is reluctant for things to be revealed.
Everybody goes to town, a big commotion is going on on a podium with Jundub & Karg & a huge crowd gathered, incriminations, speeches, etc. We all involve ourselves, tell our tales (Kale is vague on his specific deeds and uses lots of generalities, to the others’ moderate frustration). Godwin’s contribution is to do some quick research in the tome and impart info to the crowd, as well as to reemphasize the documents. A search of Jundub’s is mounted, the crystal & coffins & etc. found, Jundub is hauled away, bards interview everybody, everybody goes home. We all vote, too; Kale for himself, Merri & Godwin for Karg.
Reality Date: January 16, 2004Gameality Date: April 4, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
After voting, Merri goes canoing with her parole officer & talks to him about the future of his job and her parolee status given Jundub’s fall. She also claims that he has made a big difference in her life & by flattery gets him to agree to stand up for her if she should find herself headed back to jail. Godwin spends some hours praying; Kale finds some herbs to heal himself with. Then everybody goes to town to hear the election results. Jundub got 114 votes (he’s present in shackles), Kale 137, and Karg 402. Jundub is hauled off again, yelling threats of revenge. Karg gives a victory speech & announces the commision of a piece of non-representational art for the town square. No one seems too happy (except Godwin & Karg), and somebody tells Kale he should run next time & expresses anti-Orc bigotry. Merri tries to get Godwin to talk to Karg about her not going back to jail, but Godwin refuses, saying she’ll need to talk to him herself. Then Kale goes to Ye Olde Law Firm to find out about their lawsuit against him & finds an animated puppet who talks to him. Then Kale goes to the Drunken Gypsie to ask about cursing demons & so forth. Godwin, meanwhile, goes back to praying. Merri pesters him about various things while he tries to pray (not killing Nownot, helping her find Linus). Kale, when he returns to the tree, tells the hobbits that they can go; most of them do, but pa hangs around (ma & pa have seemingly had a fight). Merri has a talk with pa, who’s all pissed off at her & generally depressed. He starts dragging himself out one-armedly (that being the only limb he has). Merri goes to bed, Kale finds Pa & tries to talk him into taking hope & such, and Godwin slinks off to take care of some unfinished business.
When Godwin gets to the hospital, he uses his Roving Vision to make sure Nownot is still in the same room as before; he’s in there, in a cast, with herbs around, looking still in not the greatest shape. Godwin decided to try to break the window to his room by throwing a rock at it, but he’s a crappy thrower, so he misses; the rock hits a guy who Godwin didn’t see at first. Godwin tries to depart with haste, but the guy accosts him and asks whether he’s the one who threw the rock. Godwin tries to deny it & claim that someone threw a rock at him, too, but the guy doesn’t believe him & roughs him up a bit. Feeling foolish and dejected, Godwin goes back to the tree, intended to bring Kale with him & try again. He finds Kale very drunk & deep in a bitch session with an equally drunk one-limbed hobbit. This dismays Godwin, but when he reminds Kale that he was supposed to help him tonight, Kale agrees to come with him (the two have a little trouble getting rid of Rothard, but the latter isn’t exactly very mobile, so he causes no real problems). Godwin asks Kale to throw a rock at a tree to test whether his drunken state is likely to interfere with the task that he is to perform; Kale hits the tree, but a bit low & not very hard; Godwin isn’t reassured, but figures he’s still better off with Kale than without him. They go to the hospital, and Kale chucks a rock at the window. It hits, but not hard enough to break it. Unfortunately, the fuckhead who previously accused Godwin of throwing rocks at him is still in the vicinity & hears the rock thud off of the window & land on the ground. Coming to investigate, he finds Godwin trying to hide behind Kale. He tells Kale to move aside, but Kale refuses, so he ends up in an argument with Kale. Soon he has drawn a rapier and is deep in ranting about rock-throwers, orc mayors, and his recent release from the hospital after being assaulted by the Blue Warriors. Godwin suggests that he and Kale simply return home, but makes the mistake of addressing Kale by name when he does so. “Kale?” responds the guy. “So this is the great Kale Ecuttel?” He proceeds to proclaim Kale a wimp who doesn’t live up to his lofty reputation, since Kale has been refusing to fight him. As he starts threatening to kill Kale if he doesn’t just walk away now, and as his notions of causal links between the day’s election results and people “throwing rocks at him” in this “ordinary neighborhood” tonight begin to sink in, Godwin ceases regarding him as merely a petty asshole who’s spoiling for a fight, and begins to see him as an unbelievably high-strung petty asshole with only the most tenuous grip on reality, who’s spoiling for a fight. Kale, for his part, later simply applies the word “nutcase” to him. Eventually the lunatic shoves off. Kale is tempted to follow him stealthily, but Godwin dissuades him. They then return their attention to the business at hand, but what with a witness having seen them throwing rocks in the very spot where Godwin’s murderous plans were to be carried out, Godwin concludes that they’d better call it off for the night (even though this leaves him with a feeling of impending doom). Also, while discussing options, Kale finally learns the nature of Godwin’s fireball spell, and Godwin finds out that Kale had believed Godwin had been threatening his life when he told him not to come along the first time Godwin fireballed Nownot.
The two head back to the tree. En route, Godwin experiences sudden head pain, sees a blinding flash of white light, and hears what would seem to be the Divine Voice of Ignoramius in his head. Much to Godwin’s amazement, the first thing the voice has to say is “You have done well, Solabein.” It goes on to say that he should continue his efforts to “save” Nownot, for whom, though he has made many mistakes, the voice nevertheless still has “a plan.” “Solabein” is further instructed: “Gather my flock around you.” The light & pain then cease, and Godwin finds himself doubled over, with a freaked-out Kale watching him warily. He relates what happened, and both proceed to mull over the meaning of the rather baffling experience/message. Then Godwin goes to bed and Kale collapses, falling asleep on the ground by his pond.
Reality Date: January 23, 2004Gameality Date: April 5, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In the morning, our heros head to town, where Kale tells the judge he got Rothard drunk & learned about a jack in the box. The judge says that they’ll arrest Rothard & asks Kale & co. to tell him anything known about whereabouts. Then party goes back to tree, tracks Rothard to 40 feet away, crawling toward town. He whines about lack of wheelchair, Kale brings him to town to shop for one. Astonishingly, Kale spends 32 lime for one, on condition that Rothard help him find jack. All the while, Merri clanks around in full plate. Godwin tags along without saying much. Plots are discussed. Godwin occasionally tunes out in an effort not to notice what’s going on around him, for religious reasons. He also occasionally shoes eavesdropping guards away. He also prays, writes in his journal, and studies his spellbooks during the day. Kale goes to town to look for bugging equipment. Merri tries to force her dad to canoe with her, but he refuses. When she leaves him to look for her parole officer, he takes off for town. Merri tries to get a guard to go get him & bring him back, but he won’t. When Kale returns, Godwin suddenly remembers that he has bugs, & they hatch a plot to bug Rothard’s wheelchair. Then Kale learns Rothard has ditched the joint, catches up with him, & argues about faster vs. slower methods of getting to town, etc. (laps Rothard by riding horse to town, taking portal back, & riding to catch up again, to taunt him). Ultimately Kale plants the bug on the chair (under a blanket). Merri canoes.
Reality Date: February 20, 2004Gameality Date: April 5, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The party heads to town to ransack Nownot’s abode. They get spotted by a neighbor while Merri is picking the lock to the constable-tape-barred door and make a pathetic attempt to cover their illegality by pretending that they were knocking on the door & are frustrated that no one is answering. Inside, Merri finds the whip, a torture kit, & some soap-smelling cream, Godwin finds a bunch of books (two on cougars, one on the history of Hobsbaum, an Ignoramian bible (presumably), a fog spell, and five others), and Kale finds an unidentified magic item. Godwin exclaims loudly upon finding the fog spell, prompting Kale to urge immediate exit. He starts looking at the window. Godwin sneaks out the door with an armload of books, Merri slinks out the window, and Kale attempts to leap athletically through it w/o disturbing the constable tape, but his backpack catches on it & rips it off the wall. Someone sees him, too. He gets up, wads up the tape, throws it in the window, and starts to walk off, notices the observer, and runs up the wall out of sight in an instant. When the party regroups at the tree, Godwin dives into the study of the fog spell. Merri checks in with her parole officer, who praises her for getting the hang of the whole check-in process. Then Kale goes through Hammerbellow’s stuff, puts an expiration date on the free pass, gets caught in the act, and more or less tells the dwarf to bug off. Nok goes whining to Merri, they have a good cry, and Merri goes to confront Kale, who is singing joyously to his staff about the expulsion of the freeloader. They proceed to argue. Godwin bursts in to enthuse about the fog spell & ends up getting a bit involved in the debate. In the end, Merri convinces Kale to give Bellow-man a new pass, for the remainder of Merri’s term of probation, with some reasonable restrictions. Everybody sleeps.
Reality Date: February 20, 2004 Gameality Date: April 6, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In the morning, Godwin studies his spell & munches moose bacon, constables come to take Kale away because he was seen leaving Nownot’s apartment. Merri hides by making herself look like she’s just a standing suit of armor. Godwin gives Kale a bug & goes to town so he can listen in on the interrogatory proceedings. After a day of interrogation and being cocked off a lot, the constables let Kale go. Godwin has been studying his fog spell while listening in. When Kale is let go, Godwin leads him to the tavern where he’s been waiting by having the bug go there.
They go home, Kale changes, & they set off to commit a murder. Merri accompanies, just to be irritating, so they walk around for a while pretending not to be up to no good. Godwin tries to lose Merri by speeding up, but she strikes up a conversation & starts talking loudly about Nownot, so Godwin gives that ploy up. Then Kale notices that two or three people are following them. Godwin uses his vision spell & notes that one of the three is one of the cops who came to the tree that morning. They walk around for a while, go to the town square & observe the art-in-progress, Merri takes off to check in with her parole officer (one follower appears to follow her), Kale grabs Godwin & flies them up to a roof, then they fly back down, & eventually confront the followers (one by one, by running toward them, but Kale does all the actual confronting, cuz Godwin takes way too long to get there since he can’t run worth shit). The second confrontation involves Kale “leaping” over a building & tapping on a shoulder from behind. The cops pretend not to be cops & not to have been following, but the do at least seem to stop following now.
Kale & Godwin go to the hospital, Merri also goes there. Godwin creates fog that permeates the city (indoors as well as out), ignores Merri’s protests, enters the hospital, tries to activate his vision spell, fails, bumbles around in the fog for 40 minutes, finds Nownot’s room, fireballs him. Nownot screams, people come running. Godwin runs down the hall to a dead end & gets followed & grabbed. A scuffle ensues in which Godwin fireballs two innocent people (one of them very ineffectually), but fails to escape due to extreme wimpiness. Kale decides to come to Godwin’s aid (seeing the flashes of fire, hearing screams, & thinking it’s been too long) & flies up & comes crashing through a window. During the ensuing violence, Kale’s voice is recognized by someone, and Kale is unsuccessful in his attempts to kill this person (though he does kill at least one other person). Godwin, as soon as he is freed from his assailants, goes running off down the corridor and finds his way through the fog to the hospital exit (Kale wanted him to go the other way & jump out the window, but Godwin didn’t understand how that was supposed to work and there was no time for explanations or debate). Merri meets him & foolishly says his name in a loud voice in the course of asking what’s going on. Eventually, Kale gets his ass outta there. I think everyone went off on his/her own back to the tree via different routes, or something. Back there, Kale closes himself in a room and sets himself to work on “the books,” and when Godwin arrives, Kale acts as though he’d been doing that all night—giving Godwin the hint that the events of the night are not to be discussed. Kale also perhaps took pains to give one of his employees the impression that he’d been there doing the books all night.
Reality Date: February 20, 2004 Gameality Date: April 7, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, Kale, watching from a high vantage point in the tree, sees a large contingent of police approaching—with a ballista. The party panics, Kale tells all his guards what’s going on (without imparting details regarding why the police are coming), someone volunteers to go talk to the police. (S)he learns (big surprise) that they are after Kale. Kale tells his guards that anyone who wants to leave can do so; some do, Kale notes down who. The rest intend to remain & hold down the fort, as it were, with Maxwell in charge, while the party makes good their escape through the portal in the tree that leads to arbitrary unknown locales. They go through the portal & find themselves on a mountain with a lake of beer at the bottom. A rope is tied to something back in the tree & extended through the portal, & between that and Godwin’s lead climbing equipment, the party makes its way down the incredibly steep rock face to a ledge that leads to a way inside the mountain. They meet a dwarf who’s carrying a barrel of beer and seems obsessed with beer-drinking (and not interested in much else). He shares his beer with the party (Godwin avoids drinking much, though he pretends to in order to be polite), then takes them down to where he lives—a whole community of dwarves, entirely dedicated to the brewing of beer and believing that they live in a utopian society in which no one has to work (though they all work in the brewery), where no one has any idea how anything about their society works beyond the fact that they all work at the brewery (they don’t know where they get supplies from, they know nothing about the outside world, etc.). The dwarves are determind to put the party members to work in the brewery (and convinced that this is exactly what the party members want, too) on the following day. Kale gets rip-roaringly drunk.
Phreaks of Interesting Repute (Part II)
Reality Date: March 19, 2004Gameality Date: April 8, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In the morning, a dwarf shows up to provide flasks of “breakfast beer” for everyone. A hung-over Kale is awakened (he’s speaking bunny) and the party is asked what areas of breweries they’ve worked in before. They say they haven’t, the dwarf suggests stirring/adding stuff to the lake since they note Merry’s canoe (though they offer a boat of their own). Godwin asks to work in the department that receives deliveries of supplies, but is told “I’ll see if I can pull some strings, and maybe in a few days...” So the party heads out in a boat, but spends the time regaling each other with tales of past deeds and joking around (in between bits of talking about their situation and plans, and debating who’s more unscrupulous than who and to what extent that’s bad, etc.). Eventually they decide that Godwin & Merri will go back to Hinkerville and appeal to Karg, claiming that Jundub’s supporters are (probably) framing Kale. Kale drops them off on land & goes back out to work on the stuff-dumping job.
Merri & Godwin set the portal up in their hut & go through. Godwin talks Merri into taking her armor off & dumping it back through. He also sends a flunky (Kale gave him the thingy) to investigate whether or not Nownot is still in his room at the hospital, and if not, to look for him in the morgue, then to report back to the “storefront” building. They go to Karg’s; he tells them they’re wanted for questioning & shows them a scroll article about the crime at the hospital with a drawing of Kale and an unidentified accomplice. The article is vague about whether the target of the fireball attack survived or not. Merri does her sob story thing; they claim Kale disappeared when the ballista crew showed up, & they spent day & part of the night searching the woods for him. Karg is “concerned” about Kale, and Godwin admits that he can understand why given his behavior during the election. Merri says how Kale did what he did to help her after she “made a mistake,” but he now knows that it was wrong. Karg is somewhat receptive to the possibility that a frame-up has occurred, but not willing to just accept it at face value; he asks about evidence (Godwin said there’s just his, Merri’s and probably some of Kale’s employees’ testimony that Kale was in the tree on the night in question). He also says he hasn’t had time to purge the police force yet when Merri says that the police are probably all loyal to Jundub. Karg says they should turn themselves in to the police; Merri wants him to come with & protect them from unscrupulosity, but he’s reluctant, doesn’t want to be seen with them; whisperings of Jundub’s supporters taking advantage of the scandal for political purposes are the case. So Merri & Godwin leave, stop at the storefront to dump incriminating evidence and so forth into the portal, then go to the police to be questioned. They’re separated, and neither does all that well at being convincing/persuasive; small inconsistencies creep into their stories. Godwin picks up that they don’t believe everything he says. When they return to the storefront, flunky is there & reports that they wouldn’t let him into the hospital, so he tried to sneak in, and on the 9th attempt, he succeeded; Nownot wasn’t there, so he went to the morgue, and there was a very charred dead person there. They get some food at a store, then go back through & meet Kale, who has been investigating things about the dwarven society (where supplies come from, etc.) during the day (having abandoned the dumping task, claiming to be sick). News is exchanged and food is eaten, then Merri and Godwin go back to talk to Karg again (having said they would come back to let him know that the cops didn’t keep them). As they’re leaving the storefront building, cops are showing up to check on them; they’re surprised and suspicious when they see the inside of the buidling, but Merri & Godwin manage to more or less allay their suspicions (most of what they say is actually true, which helps), and the cops offer to bring them some sleeping gear. They head to Karg’s; he suggests that they limit contact with him & hints that they look into Jundub’s supporter’s doings. Merri says some things that make Karg a bit suspicious, Godwin tries to shut her up, they leave. After a trip back to report to Kale again, they hang out in the storefront building waiting for the cops to come with the sleeping gear. They come, and the two spend the night there in case cops come. Meanwhile Kale tries to figure out where he is by looking at stars, but pretty much fails (then goes to sleep).
Gameality Date: April 9, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The next morning, Jundub came to see Godwin and try to make a deal. Godwin is surprised about him being out of jail. Jundub tries to get Godwin to betray Kale, saying that he (Jundub) still has connections/power with the police and can make things go well or ill for Godwin & Merri. Godwin, unwaveringly maintaining innocence all around and treating it as given that Jundub framed Kale, refuses. Jundub, assuring Godwin that he need not admit to anything if he doesn’t want to, then offers amnesty to his entire group, Kale included, if they’ll accuse Karg of being the mastermind behind all dastardly deeds. Godwin turns this offer down as well, however. Godwin and Merri go through the portal to report ot Kale, and there is talk of how Jundub’s scheming might be used to gain advantage over him.
Reality Date: April 16, 2004Gameality Date: April 9, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Discussion continues. Godwin is experiencing remorse about the killings for which he is responsible. Kale thinks about such things as turning himself in or killing Jundub (or perhaps both). Briefly, the question of goals is dicussed, but it is quickly dismissed. Kale decides it’s time to leave brewery-land. He tries to go get Beatrice, but she’s out on a boat working and there are no more boats. He tries to get a job to kill time, but fails. So he takes down the portal, climbs the mountain, puts it up in the tree portal room, goes to the storefront, gives the orb to Godwin & briefly and cryptically explains what’s going on, goes back, gets Beatrice, talks her out of staying (Beatrice has taken a liking to the local beer-based lifestyle), leads her drunkenly up the mountain and through the portal, hears a guard of his own outside the locked door of the room eating a biscuit, guarding the door, and grumbling. Kale attracts the guard’s attention and tells him to open the door; the guard asks for the password, which frustrates Kale since there isn’t one. Kale describes to the guard the biscuit that the guard is eating and the circumstances under which he acqured it, all of which he can discern from the sound of the guard eating it; the guard says “It is you!” He’s still not convinced, though, and continues to demand the password; when Kale finally directly states that there isn’t one, the guard accepts that he’s really Kale and opens the door. Kale also hears a mouse in the wall and makes a mental note to deal with that later.
Meanwhile, Merri spends the day pacing the storefront in her suit of armor, for practice, while Godwin engages in semi-religious, semi-guilt-ridden contemplation.
Beatrice walks to town to seek Merri’s help in getting kegs to take back to brewery-land and fill up with beer. Godwin doesn’t notice her arrival, or Merri leaving with her, since he’s blindfolded, wearing ear plugs, and deep in mindless meditation. Merri and Beatrice go to a store to see about buying kegs; they buy five, and discuss possible payment options for buying more.
Kale learns from Maxwell that the cops have been coming to and searching the tree a couple times a day. He decides to hide out in the woods for a while and arranges for Maxwell to use a smoke signal if he needs to get in touch. He also hides Merri’s canoe. He proceeds through the woods to town, sneaks to the vicinity of the storefront buidling, climbs a building stealthily, jumps across to the roof of the storefront, creates a one by one by twenty foot dirt wall near a guard to distract them, then tries to get Merri & Godwin’s attention by knocking on the roof, but they don’t notice. The guard starts stabbing the wall and the guards all go on alert. The guard knocks the wall over, making it a pile of dirt (it falls partly on the building). Then they start shining a light around until they spot “someone” on the roof. Kale plays dead, then uses his staff to create absolute dark in a fifty foot radius. While Godwin starts fumbling for the lantern in the building to figure out why it (apparently) went out, Merri digs in her bag for a torch. Kale gets down from the roof, comes in, and whispers “it’s me” and briefly explains about the spell. Merri, not trusting that it’s him, attacks with the just-lit torch (which she doesn’t realize is lit, since no light is coming from it). Once Kale convinces Merri that it’s him, he gets the portal from Godwin, sets up the portal, moves the portal on the other end to a more convenient place, comes back, and the party goes through to the tree, sending a guard back through to listen for door knocking so (s)he can get Merri and Godwin. Kale wants to make plans, and although Godwin thinks that establishing goals first would be wise, the party ends up deciding on the plan of going to Karg about Jundub’s unscrupulous offers and setting up a “sting.” Then Merri and Godwin go back through the portal. Soon cops knock on the door; they have a robed figure with them who descries their arms, and they ask some questions. Godwin is cooperative and tries to come off as reasonable. Merri is stubborn and deliberately dense, arousing suspicion and hostility. The cops leave, and sleep ensues.
Reality Date: May 28, 2004Gameality Date: April 10, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In the morning, Kale got it into his head to strike off to the library (in disguise, of course) to research stuff about evil dictators and how to legally eliminate them, in the hope of finding something to use against Jundub. He asked the dwarven librarian for help, blowing his cover. He learnede some stuff, then headed for Narf to talk to his lawyers, ending up spending the day there because he couldn’t get an appointment until the evening. Talking to the lawyer, Kale was initially evasive, but ended up saying more than he should about the hospital incident and the presence in the hospital of a “threat” who had been involved in a plot to destroy knowledge and who, by virtue of being charred and wrapped, qualified as a mummy and therefore a monster. He was trying to get himself registered as an adventurer so as to enable him to act, or to have acted, in extralegal ways against Jundub.
Merri went to the tree the long way.
Godwin wrote a letter to Karg informing him of Jundub’s offer of shady deals and suggesting the idea of a “sting.” He gave it to Merri (by going through the portal to the tree; he then went back through) to give to Nok to give to Karg. Merri told Nok to impress upon Karg the importance of the letter and the situation, but Nok, being a dipshit, botched this. Nevertheless, the letter got delivered. Meanwhile, Godwin engaged in some preliminary testing on his various beers (though lacking the proper equipment, he was limited to tasting small sips and descrying for magic); he believed he detected a slight suicidal impulse after drinking the “medicinal” beer, and the others tasted poisonous, but none seemed magical. After doing this stuff, Godwin spent the rest of the day studying his spellbook.
Meanwhile, Beatrice disappeared, and Merri learned from someone in the tree that she went back through the portal to brewery-land. She thus decided to send Nok through to track Beatrice down, with the rationale that he’d “fit in” there since he was a dwarf. Nok agreed on condition that he could take a prostitute with him; he wanted one named Lori, but she refused Merri’s request to go, so Merri got another to go with him and they headed for the brewery. Merri then spent most of the rest of the day changing people’s sexes, then started searching unsuccessfully for her canoe.
Eventually Kale came back, got the canoe for Merri, and she dragged it to town the long way. As she got to down, she saw a man sitting with a money cup and no eyes ranting about how “the frigid end is near.” Alarmed and curious, she invited the guy to the storefront for a hot meal. He told a wild story (the meaningful details of which had to be extracted by means of level-headed questioning by Godwin) about having gouged out his eyes in exchange for the gift of second sight (having been told to do this in a dream) and subsequently having, every night for three fortnights, a dream in which a “mystical conversion” (pinned down, this seemed to mean Kale, Merri, Godwin, Jorli Satch-Anvilson, and others meeting at the tree) led to “frigid doom.” Merri and Godwin take the seer back to the tree and go over the whole thing with Kale (though at first it’s hard to get Kale attention, as he’s dancing around and taking a “vacation from his problems.” Eventually Godwin consulted his notes and realized that the time traveler had said that the party would live through the coming doom, and Kale started ranting about ways to turn the doom into a money-making opportunity. Then he went to bed. So did Merri and Godwin (back in the storefront).
Sleep transpired.
Gameality Date: April 11, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In the morning, Maxwell told Kale that a prostitute was missing, and questions to folk elicited the info that she went through the portal with Nok. Kale got it into his head that Merri might be behind this, and went to ask her about it. Merri sold the incident as her simply having “relayed a message” from Nok to the hooker, who allegedly simply agreed to go off with him. She didn’t, she pointed out, suggest that going with Noc was a service to be performed for Kale as his employee. Kale remained less than pleased, but left it at that for the time being. He then went back to the tree and had a discussion with Maxwell about letting the employees other than the guards know about the policy of not listening to the hobbit.
A mail carrier came to the tree with a message from Karg agreeing to Godwin’s proposal, though also again expressing a desire to limit communication. Godwin sent a package back to Karg containing the shell (he kept a bug, though) and the details about when the meeting with Jundub was to go down (specifically, the evening of the 14th).
Reality Date: June 11, 2004Gameality Date: April 11, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The party geared up to go look for Beatrice, but found that the portal had changed; it now led to a grassy pasture with a cow in it. Kale struck up a conversation with the cow, asking it about whether it had seen a troll (“a big two-legged thing”). It gave an ambiguous response. Then Kale began flirting with the cow, which claimed to be able to almost jump over the moon, as well as to actually be a beautiful princess in need of a kiss from Kale. Kale declined, though he left the impression that he might come back and oblige the cow later when Godwin & Merri weren’t around.
Merri promptlygave up on Beatrice and decided to head out to the pond to go canoing, but got delayed. Kale insisted on investigating the area through the portal (which looked to be a troll’s farm), thinking maybe the portal had changed before Beatrice went through. Godwin reluctantly went along. They climbed a fence consisting of a pile of rocks and found a “farmhouse” consisting of another pile of rocks. They discussed loudly for a bit, then Kale suggested hiding lest a troll come out of the door, so they went around to the side of the “building.” Peering in a window, they saw trollish “furniture” (i.e., l arge rocks). Kale said “I’m going to go do something really, really stupid. Be right back.” He went inside, verified that there was a sleeping troll but no Beatrice, and decided to sneak out, but got distracted by a huge (bigger than troll-sized) bone, tripped, and woke the troll, who promptly attacked. With a bleeding head wound, Kale swiftly departed the house after creating a wall to delay the troll. Meanwhile Godwin, hearing scufflage within, headed for the door; he almost ran into Kale emerging, and the two took off for the portal, the troll knocking the wall down and following them. They got back into the tree, Godwin yelled “Open the god-damned door!” and was asked for the password, Kale gave the appropriate response (and cast a huge stone wall on the other side of the portal to block the troll from passing through it), and our heroes left the portal room, closed and locked the door, and Kale set an increased guard on the other side. Kale then collapsed and was helped to bed by the others.
Gameality Dates: April 11-14, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Down time occurs During it, Merri sets up “ninja” (karate) lessons at a place in town called “Ninja Laundry” (a combination karate school and laundromat). Godwin spends oodles of time in study, and other oodles of time praying blindfolded to make up for it. Kale researches spells and also works on his disguise ability (by repeatedly going into the privvy, putting on a disguise, and coming out to see if anyone failed to recognize him).
Gameality Date: Monday, April 14, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
On this evening, Godwin & Merri attempted to carry out the “sting.” However, Jundub was irritatingly evasive and wouldn’t say anything incriminating; he apparently wanted Godwin to play along by stating the “truth” that would constitute their story, but Godwin failed to pick up on this. The effort thus failed (though at least Godwin & Merri failed to let any incriminating admissions slip). Later, Karg sent someone to express disappointment, and the situation was discussed. Merri suggested getting a message to Kale & having him try carrying out a sting by claiming to have “heard something about a deal,” thereby getting Jundub to actually state the plan. Godwin was all like “Are you in contact with Kale?” thereby saving the story of the lack of contact between Kale & them. Merri proposed leaving word at the tree and hoping that Kale gets word. The rep of Karg suggested getting back in contact later if a plan should, as the French say, come together. She then left.
Merri’s idea, after much debate, was carried out (the rationale being that the message was gotten, and another was returned, all without Godwin & Merri having any idea where Kale was). Kale, dressed as a bum, showed up in front of Jundub’s estate as Jundub was coming home and did his beggy act. Jundub was irriatated, and after telling the bum to leave a couple of times, ordered a flunky to kill him (much to Kale’s delight, since Karg was already listening in). Kale then revealed himself, saying that he was tired of hiding, and Jundub ushered him inside. Claiming to have seen Godwin and Merri go to meet with Jundub and overheard them discussing a plan to betray him, Kale inquired whether he himself might strike a deal with Jundub. The ploy works, and Jundub suggested the same plan to sell out Karg that he had earlier offered to Godwin. A deal was concluded, and Kale left.
The next morning, the news scroll revealed that Jundub was once again in jail, this time in connection with the hospital incident. Shortly later, the official of Karg’s with whom Merri and Godwin dealt previously came by the storefront to tell them that they were “off the hook,” though lingering suspicion remained. In other words, the plan worked!
Reality Date: June 25, 2004Gameality Dates: April 14—June 19, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
More down time occurs. Merri spent it working on her “ninja” skills and practicing maneuvering in her armor; she also found an obscure courier service that employed winged lemurs and used it to send an updated version of the Way of Kale to Eagle. Kale worked on upgrading the tree (making his own walls and using them for lumber), worked on spells, and visited Gula a few times. Godwin studied spells, spent hours doing research at the library on a variety of topics (including that of the Keepers of the Omnicodex), prayed a lot, worked on resolving his moral dilemmas, and performed experiments on the beers that he had brought back from brewery-land. He also got a herb garden going, per Kale’s request.
Also during this time, a “Chloë” came to the tree asking Kale about his business, saying that she was thinking about starting a business of her own of some kind. Kale set up a business relationship with her (as an independent contractor), essentially putting her in charge of entertainment at the tree. In addition, a banker came to visit Godwin/Solabein, believing that he had come into 922 lime and wanting to set up an account for him. Godwin assured him that no such thing had occured, but the banker wanted to set up an account with him anyway and gave him a sob story about how he would lose his job if he didn’t get the account. Godwin was skeptical and reluctant (not wanting to establish proof of his continued residence in town, in case the Ignoramians came looking for him), but Merri begged him to do it. Godwin didn’t understand why Merri wanted him to do it, but she would only answer that it would be nice to the poor guy, whose sob story, she was convinced, was actually true. She even tried to guilt-trip him, noting that he used to be nice before he killed a person. Godwin was irritated, but in the end, he agreed to do it—provided that Merri donated 10 lime to charity (mostly just to spite her, though also to point out the silliness of her implicit view that settting up a bank account was necessary in order for Godwin to be able to consider himself a “nice” person).
Godwin’s experiments on his beer revealed that they were, in fact, different from each other, but he was unable to verify that the medicinal one had any mind-controlling effects, much to his chagrin (as part of his experimentation process, he tested the beer on a mouse that he purchased for the purpose). He also failed to find any known poisons in any of the other beers.
Kale also descended into junkyism during this period. For several days, he went out into the woods every day and spent hours looking for herbs; in the meantime, he let his hair grow continuously and generally became disheveled. Merri noticed all this and followed him into the woods one day, seeing him searching for and scarfing herbs, then brought the matter to Godwin’s attention. Godwin confronted Kale, but he blew it off. Merri continued to monitor Kale’s behavior and eventually intervened (in part by tangling herself in his 24-foot-long hair to anchor him in his bedroom); Godwin joined her, then several brothel employees got involved, and Kale broke through his denial and had an emotional scene. At this point, a scroll delivery boy showed up at the tree and delivered a scroll with an article about Jundub having escaped from jail, apparently gone to his mansion, and then left. Kale went off to try to track Jundub, but failed his spell, then thanked Merri and Godwin for bringing his herb problem to his attention, as it was apparently interfering with his magic.
Also during the months of down time, political leaders in various places beyond Hinkerville began disappearing from time to time. Kale and company suspected that the jack-in-the-box was behind this.
Reality Date: July 9, 2004Gameality Date: Friday, June 20, 999
On this fine day, Kale and Merri decided to go to Spoonwuzzle to visit Arugula. Godwin was initially uninterested, but Kale sold him on the notion that it would be very interesting to see how much Gula had changed/developed since last time Godwin had seen him, and Godwin bought it. Merri also tried guilt-tripping Godwin in regard to his lack of interest in Gula, but this had little effect. In any case, Godwin somewhat reluctantly agreed to go along. Why exactly his companions were so keen on this, however, is unclear.
Before setting off, the trio went into town to make a purchase. While in town, their noses were accosted by the smell of death, and they overheard someone on a passing wagon demanding to be taken to the tree and claiming to know Kale. Another voice on the wagon—seemingly a voice of authority—scolded the owner of the first voice about having harrassed the mayor. Kale thought he recognized Azetha’s voice, and the party followed the wagon to the cemetery, where it became apparent that the prisoner was to be dismembered. Kale interceded, requesting that the prisoner be remanded to his custody. It also became apparent that the smell of death that everyone noticed earlier was coming from her; indeed, the party now noticed that Azetha, if it was Azetha, appeared to be undead. Though all were shocked, Kale went off with some of the constables to sign papers to get custody of the offending zombie. Godwin and Merri chatted with the zombie, learning that she was not, in fact, Azetha, but rather Atheza, Kale’s onetime adventuring companion, whose alternate-universe double was Gula’s mother Azetha. After a while, Kale came back, his mission having succeeded—though he had been unable to get Atheza’s possessions, as Karg, to whom he talked, wanted to have them checked for anything dangerous first. Kale was briefed on who the zombie was, and the party headed for the tree, trading stories.stinkism
The story-trading produced much mutual mistrust and alarm due to wild stories from Atheza about alien invasions and problems on the part of everyone else with the eating of human brains and so forth, but eventually the party smoothed everything over. Meanwhile, they made a trip to the Drunken Gypsie in search of a “curse” that might be able to ward off Atheza’s bad smell. A new and exceptionally foul-mouthed clerk in the shop sold Kale a primrose-smell-causing potion with a two-hour duration and another potion, of permanent duration, described as creating an amazingly alluring and powerful aroma. When Atheza imbibed the potion, her death smell was replaced by the smell of the best, most exquisitely delicious food anyone had ever encountered. Shortly thereafter, fending off hungry guards and prostitutes, the party left the tree and went to the outskirts of town where Atheza had left her traveling companion, her elephant, and her “van” (which turned out to be a bizarre, presumably magical form of transport allegedly originating in an alternate universe of some kind). Her companion was missing (Kale questioned the elephant and learned that he had wandered off away from town), as was a lion that Atheza now mentioned she had brought with her (to the alarmed shock of the rest of the party). In addition, a bear was present, trying to figure out how to get into the van to access its edible contents (which it presumably smelled). The bear was gotten rid of by Kale, with the help of twinkies offered it by Atheza, and the party, after discussing but for some reason rejecting the idea of trying to track down the escaped lion, set off for Spoonwuzzle to visit Gula and introduce him to She Who Was Undead and Not His Mother, but Kind of Like His Mother.
The party arrived at the abode of Thor, the weather mage in Spoonwuzzle to whom Gula was apprenticed, and Kale introduced Gula and Atheza. Gula was initially alarmed and distrustful, and he showed signs of unhappiness about the continued absense of his real mother, but Atheza did manage to get him to accept her. Kale, Atheza, and Gula spent some quality time together, and a good time was had by all—except for Godwin, who was bored and wished that he hadn’t fallen for Kale’s bogus argument to get him to come along. The party camped out for the night.
Gameality Date: Saturday, June 21, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
On the way back to Hinkerville/the tree the next day, the party found a dead woman with foreign-looking clothes lying in a ditch and holding a lamp. In the process of descrying the lamp, Merri rubbed it, and—perhaps predictably—a genie emerged. He explained that he could grant three “beverage-related” wishes, but was initially vague (despite immediate questions from several party members) about whether or not his concept of “beverages” included potions. Since the dead woman also looked to have perhaps died of thirst, the party was understandably somewhat uncomfortable, and Merri put off making any wishes for the time being.
Gameality Dates: June 22-November 30, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
The down time resumed. A few days into it, Atheza got her stuff back from the Hinkerville authorities (minus her mask). Little, if any, further contact between her and the residents of the tree occurred thereafter (during the course of this down time, that is). The stuff previously described continued happening as the down time continued. Also, further questioning of the beverage genie revealed that he believed beverages, if not provided by him, to be rare commodities; when told that in fact beverages, such as water, were plentiful, he reacted with irritated skepticism. Some tentatively concluded that he must have come from a region where water was very scarce. The genie also intimated that his powers extended far beyond mere beverage conjuration, but that conjuring beverages was all that he was willing to do for his “master.” Additionally, he claimed an origin in some alternate, “airy” plane, and expressed ambivalent feelings about the prospect of being freed from his lamp and returning there (which, he explained, could be done by using the three wishes to wish him three beverages of his choice).
Reality Date: July 23, 2004Gameality Date: December 1, 999
On this day, Yuzen Dyre spazzed out on Kale’s stage, then collapsed and started muttering about the imminence of the frigid doom. When Merri discovered him, he asserted that the mystical convergence was imminent, whereupon Merri freaked out and went running back to the tree yelling “Frigid doom! Frigid doom!” She then rang Kale’s new alarm bell, bringing everyone running. Yuzen stumbled in through the door shortly after everyone gathered, apologizing for causing alarm and explaining that he “meant imminent in a relative sort of way.” He then passed out.
When he came to, Godwin questioned him about his new vision, but he said only that he saw people coming together. Further questioning led Godwin to the conclusion that Yuzen had merely had once again the same vision that he had previously.
Gameality Date: December 2, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Yuzen wigged out again in much the same way that he had done the previous day.
Gameality Date: December 3, 999
Some people showed up on this date and started setting up staves around the perimeter of the tree. Kale questioned them, learning that they worked for an oranization called the “Know-Nothing Network” and that they had been hired to put these staves—which appeared to be teleportation staves—around the property. The party went into town to investigate this “Know-Nothing Network”; while Kale asked questions, Godwin used his spell to read forms not being shown to the party. Between this and going around behind the building afterwards to cast the spell again, he learned that the order to put up the staves came from one Ongal, who was claiming to be the owner of the tree. Kale reacted with shock and alarm to this news; Ongal, it turned out, was the mysterious figure responsible for the murder of Kale’s family and for making Kale unable to do the family magic and become the duke of Queensbarrow. Godwin also learned that the staves were supposed to be un-removable. The party returned to the tree and made some efforts to test this last bit of info. They were reluctant to touch the staves after Godwin’s descrying efforts suggested to him that instant death would greet anyone who did so, but they did try hitting them with things and so forth. Each time a staff was hit with something, the hitter found himself teleported away from it—further away each time, in fact, and up into the air each time after the first. The party then came up with the idea of advertising a contest: 9 valuable teleportation staves free for the taking to the person who can successfully remove them.
Also, Yuzen again wigged out today.
Godwin’s false belief about a saving throw vs. dragon breath & etc.
Gameality Date: December 4-15, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Over the next several days, various people—some mages, some not—showed up to try their luck at removing the staves. The first of these people to try striking one got teleported away to an unknown locale and didn’t come back. On the 11th, another person—an extremely buff guy—showed up with intent to simply pull the staves out of the ground. Merri and Kale talked him into instead throwing a rock at a staff that Kale had already succeeded in partly knocking over—and trying to dodge the energy bolt that would then attempt to teleport him away. He was reluctant, but when they made it sound like a dare with a bet involved, he broke down and tried it. He hit the staff and it fell almost completely over; he vanished and didn’t return. On the 12th, a 15-year-old kid showed up wanting to try. Kale was very reluctant to allow him to (although Merri was in favor of it), but the kid kept insisting. The various party members decided to descry the fallen staff to see if perchance it was no longer active. Kale learned that in fact it wasn’t, but before he could report this, the kid went ahead and grabbed for the staff. He was able to take it, and although he was briefly tempted to try for another, he ended up running off with his staff shortly thereafter. Attempts to ascertain whether or not the remaining staffs remained active were inconclusive.
Gameality Date: December 16, 999
On this date, Eagle came back into our heros’ lives, much to Kale’s irritation. He brought another Wose with him who also worshipped Kale. Inevitably, Eagle’s arrival led to renewed hostility between Kale and Merri (Kale yelled at Merri for encouraging Eagle, and Merri defended herself by explaining that she had promised to help Eagle, whom she described as a “nice guy”).
Gameality Date: December 20, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
On this date, Nok, Beatrice, and the prostitute returned to the tree on a cart laden with barrels full of beer; all three were rip-roaringly drunk. Noc was intent upon heading upstairs and “enjoying himself,” but Kale informed him in no uncertain terms that he was no longer free to use the tree’s services without paying for them. Godwin, curious about the location of brewery-land, asked where it had turned out to be in relation to Hinkerville, but Noc appeared to be too drunk to give a coherent answer. Hostile disputes ensued between Kale and the erstwhile parole officer, but in the end he was allowed to stay in Beatrice’s room. The prostitute who went with them demanded pay for the “rescue mission,” and when Kale refused, noting that she had simply set off without orders or authorization (and indeed should technically be fired), she quit and stalked off angrily, swearing that Kale would pay for being such a “bastard.” Five other prostitutes proceeded to quit when they heard about the matter. More hostility between Kale and Merri resulted.
Also on this day, in response to Kale’s scoldings about not giving Eagle any more tenets, Merri “completed” the Way of Kale by writing down a final tenet: that there were to be no more tenets of the Way of Kale.
Nok trying to burn down tree.
Gameality Date: December 23, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
A jolly time was had by our heroes in celebration of the solstice. Kale declared a time-out from conflicts and so forth and bought his companions presents. Everyone but Godwin got good and drunk.
In the evening, much to Godwin’s dismay, the three Ignoramians appeared at the door of the tree, asking to speak with him. Godwin sent Kale to deal with them. The ignoramians urged Kale to let them speak with Solabein, as he was their leader and they had a message to deliver to him. Kale, however, feigned ignorance of who this “Solabein” was. He also made it clear that he remembered the Ignoramians, referring to them as the terrorists who had tried to burn down buildings in town. His professed ignorance about Solabein failed to fool them (one of them accused Kale of having killed Solabein, but another affirmed certainty that Solabein was in the tree), and his threats about getting constables to arrest them failed to intimidate them. The sprite began flying up and looking through windows in the hope of spotting Solabein. Kale shut the door and left them outside, then went to report to Godwin. Godwin then tried the ploy of sending Merri to talk to the Ignoramians, taking his Ignoramian bible with her as a sign that she had really been given a message from Solabein. Merri snuck out to where the Ignoramians were setting up a tent for themselves and told them that Solabein had left months ago to meet up with them, and expressed worry that something must have happened to him if he had never made it. The Ignoramians did not believe her, however, reiterating that they knew Solabein to be in the tree and urging Merri to have him meet with them, as they needed to communicate with him. They also mentioned that after accomplishing this, they planned to imbibe potions of forgetfulness so that they would not remember where Solabein was, as they did not want this knowledge. When Godwin heard this, he decided to risk meeting with them, relying on his ability to hopefully make them forget anything that they might learn that he didn’t want them to know. He therefore snuck out the same way Merri had, surrounded their tent with fog to reinforce the impression that his every move had to be shrouded in stealth, and then entered it. He apologized for not having followed them to Iten and claimed that he had been unable to leave and was in fact in great danger, as were they by virtue of being around him. Things were very complicated here, he explained. The Ignoramians cut Godwin’s explanations short, assuring him that they didn’t want to know. They then asked him what they should do next, but Godwin only answered that he wasn’t sure yet. Then the leader among the three asked to speak with Godwin privately, and when they had exited the tent and moved a short distance away (though still within the fog), she apologized for what “her superior” had ordered her to do, then splashed a liquid in Godwin’s face. A surprised Godwin watched as what appeared to be his soul stepped out of his body and commenced running around. Alarmingly, his soul seemed to have several large holes in it, rather like swiss cheese. The Ignoramian remarked on this, adding in a worried-sounding voice that she wasn’t sure what it meant. She then said that she would go and report it to her superior. Godwin suggested praying first, and during the moment of prayer that ensued, he cast his spell to make the Ignoramian forget about the holes in his soul. With an exclamation about having been “touched by Ignoramius,” she then went back to her tent. Godwin then noted that Eagle had been watching this little scene. When approached, Eagle behaved in an oddly compassionate and understanding manner about the holes in Godwin’s soul. Godwin orderd him never to reveal what he had seen to anyone, but Eagle’s assurances that he wouldn’t were not notable for their persuasiveness.
Godwin then snuck up outside the Ignoramian tent and eavesdropped on its occupants, who were discussing the fact that the one who had drawn Godwin aside had nothing to report (and how glad they were about this and so forth). Godwin cast his spell again, this time making her forget that she had even used the potion on him at all. She exclaimed about having been blessed by Ignoramius again, then, along with her companions, went to sleep. Godwin went back to the tree to brood and brainstorm about how further to cope with this latest manifestation of the fundamental problems underlying his Ignoramian-impersonating life.
Reality Date: August 6, 2004Gameality Date: December 24, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Kale, feeling guilty about having been short with the troll-rescuing prostitute, went to find her and apologize. Commending her initiative and her follow-through, he offered her a position as “head hooker” (or perhaps “Director of Fornication Services,” or “Copulation Manager”).
The Ignoramians packed up, making ready to leave. The party tried to sneakily follow them, but Godwin had trouble with the stealth thing, so he gave a “bug” to Kale and stayed behind until everyone was out of earshot, then went to town via the portal. Kale and Merri followed the Ignoramians down a personhole cover and into the sewer, and Kale told Godwin via the bug that they were doing so--but failed to provide any useful specifics. Godwin thus picked a personhole cover and went down, then began blundering around in the stinky dark. Meanwhile, Merri and Kale followed the Ignoramians to a wooden door that said something like “No Admittance By Order Of Municipal Authorities,” which door the Ignoramians went through and closed behind them. After a few minutes of bickering about who should try picking the lock and about the ownership of the lock pick kit, Kale picked the lock and opened the door. Inside, they found the Ignoramians looking expectantly toward the door, as if waiting for a pair of muttering bickerers on the other side to open it. Immediately, the woman who was not one of the original group shot off a spell, bombarding Merri’s and Kale’s minds with hundreds of facts about sewers. Kale then slammed the door and cast a wall spell to wall them into the chamber beyond the door., whereupon Merri raised the objection that if left trapped behind said wall, the Ignoramians would die. At this point Kale suggested via the bug to Godwin (who was having better luck finding corpses and the rotting remains of Kale’s tragically lost belongings than he was navigating the dark maze of sewers) that he exit the sewer via the nearest personhole, go to the personhole through which everyone else had gone down, and make his way to their location by following directions that he now provided. Finding a sewer exit took Godwin some time, and Merri and Kale ended up retracing their steps in the hope of meeting up with Godwin, but eventually the party managed to reunite. They then returned to the area outside the chamber wherein the Ignoramians were trapped, where Merri and Kale struck up a dialogue with the prisoners. Kale began by demanding information about who they were and how many other Ignoramians there were in town in exchange for letting them out, but they (predictably) weren’t very forthcoming (being neither well-informed about some of the matters in question nor much inclined toward supplying information about them even when they did possess it). Kale thus switched tactics, to some extent, by questioning the woman about the spell that she had used. Wasn’t it a bit odd for a member of her religion to be casting spells that impart facts to others? When the woman denied having cast such a spell, Kale saw his opening and pressed the issue in the hope of turning the Ignoramians against each other. Sure enough, the next things that the party heard from the other side of the door were mutterings, questions, and accusations from the other Ignoramians, followed by further denials and rebuttals from the apparent leader of the group. Soon the conflict turned violent, ending in a few minutes with the sound of a series of severe blows, followed by a loud splash. Merri was quick to point out that getting the Ignoramians to start killing each other wasn’t much better, from a moral point of view, than just killing them outright; Godwin felt a pang of guilt at having played a role in yet another death, and also wondered about the conflict between the Ignoramians and what it might mean about the affiliation and/or philosophy of the recently deceased (was it possible that she had been some sort of kindred spirit, or at least potential ally?); Kale asked the Ignoramians about the source of the splashing sound, seeking confirmation of what the party was assuming had just happened. The evasive reply that he received was delivered in a voice other than that of the previous speaker and apparent leader, and further questioning confirmed that said individual was in fact dead. Kale then suggested that a constable be brought to the scene, as the Ignoramians had as much as confessed to committing murder. Godwin went and found one and brought him to the spot, and Kale explained that while on an alligator-activity-monitoring expedition in the sewer (a context rendered somewhat plausible by the role that he had played in ridding the city’s sewers of an alligator infestation in times past), he had noticed a group of people going through a doorway that was marked as restricted, and had detained them, after which they had apparently ganged up on and killed one of their number. Hoping to definitively establish their guilt, he then started asking questions of the trapped Ignoramians again, trying to get them to repeat their earlier admission about one of their number being dead--but to no avail. Eventually, he just removed the wall and opened the door to let the constable see for himself what lay beyond. As the door was opened, Godwin began slinking away, but the constable, noting this, asked where he was going and requested that he not leave. Godwin agreed, but explained that he didn’t want to be seen by the people on the other side of the door and thus would lurk in the shadows--but within eyesight of the constable himself. The constable agreed to this. The Ignoramians were then let out of the chamber in which they had been imprisoned and detained by Kale, at the request of the constable, while he searched the chamber and discovered the corpse. With Merri hauling said corpse, everyone headed for the surface. Along the way, Kale attempted to surreptitiously indicate to Merri that she should search the corpse for loot and/or identifying or otherwise informative evidence, but Merri failed to comprehend his intent, instead interpreting his gestures as some kind of attempt at a lewd suggestion. Once outside, the constable marched the Ignoramians off to jail, while the party--after being informed that they might be wanted for questioning later--headed home to clean up.
Gameality Date: December 25, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
In a continuing effort to give the Ignoramians the impression that he remained one of them, and in the hope of convincing them that he had not been involved in the events of the previous evening in any way (not having, as far as he knew, been seen by the Ignoramians at any point during their course) and was in fact not connected with Kale and Merri, Godwin decided that it would be a good idea for him to make some kind of (deliberately ineffectual) show of trying to help his jailed co-religionists. To this end, he went into town on this evening and used his Roving Vision spell to ascertain, from the outside of the police station, where their cell was located, then cast his fog spell outside their window, figuring that the sudden appearance of fog in the cell (and in the police station in general) would clue the Ignoramians in to the fact that he was doing something and also produce a degree of pandemonium that might appear consistent with an attempted jailbreak, all without actually risking arrest or otherwise getting himself into legal trouble. After casting the spell, he left, trusting the situation to work itself out (hopefully in the way that he intended).
Gameality Date: December 26, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
A woman showed up at the tree and inquired about the staves, asking if it was true that people who touch them got teleported high into the air. Upon being assured that this was indeed the case, she started heading for one, with a resigned look on her face. Realizing that she intended to commit suicide, Kale intervened and insisted that she come inside, where he attempted to console her (overruling Merri, who wanted to suggest suicide methods likely to accomplish something against the staves).
Also on this day, a message arrived for Kale informing him that Jorlie Satch-Anvilson would be arriving on New Year’s Eve to put on a show at his tree. Showing this message to the others, Kale observed that frigid doom now had a specific date at last. Uncertain how to prepare, our heroes at least took the precaution of purchasing plenty of extremely warm clothing.
Gameality Date: December 31, 999Cobbler: ineptsegue
Tensions were high as the expected day of frigid doom finally arrived. The first interesting event of this fateful day, however, turned out to be neither doom-laden nor productive of unusually low temperatures; instead, it consisted of Atheza, Gula, and Suppel dropping by via van and elephant. Atheza merely noted that she had some things to go off and take care of, but that she and Gula would be back thereafter for a visit with Kale; she and Gula then left. Suppel immediately went to the pond and drank an unbelievable amount of water, to the amazement of all. Conversation then ensued in which Suppel managed to convince everyone of his utter and abject lunacy (and get himself introduced to Yuzen on the presumption that the two would get along) by going on about his worship of a shoemaker, about cripples who worship him, about the nonexistence of magic, and other nonesense. He then headed into the tree with the intention of sacking out for a while, leaving Kale, Merri, and Godwin alone near the bizarre “van”--from which, to their surprise and delight, music began emanating. As there didn't seem to be any bards present, and since the music seemed to be coming from hole-covered surfaces made of a strange material in the van, the party concluded that its source was magical. Impressed, they enjoyed the fine music, with its eerily forboding lyrics about change.
A short time later, Jorlie Satch-Anvilson and his entourage arrived at the tree. Greetings and formalities were exchanged, Yuzen Dire showed up in a panic and raved insanely about mystical convergence (with Gowin and Kale calmly noting that he was "right on schedule"), and preparations for the show got under way. But when his rant reached its culmination and he went into his collapse, Yuzen's hands seemed to run into an invisible surface in mid-air. A brief flash of brownness occured where his hands touched the presumed surface, attracting the attention of all. Next, a largish, white, box-shaped object, with a rope-like protrusion in the back and a door in the front, appeared out of nowhere in the party's midst. Opening the door, Godwin discovered that it contained clothing. The notion that some unknown power was attempting to provide them with aid in surviving the coming doom flashed through Godwin's head, but as the clothing didn't seem especially warm, he wasn't sure what to make of it. Meanwhile, the surface against which Yuzen had collided resolved itself into a table, and Kale, feeling around in what appeared to by empty air, encountered objects on the table that resolved themselves into bottles of liquid with printed logos resembling the ones found on vials of Potion Dieux. Rather than "Potion Deux," however, the bottles were labeled "Mountain Dew.” Recalling that Atheza had previously introduced them to a beverage by this name and bearing these logos, which beverage was stored in the "van" and had allegedly come from some alternate reality, Kale and Godwin concluded that there must be some connection between the van's presence and what was going on around them. Perhaps, they speculated, the dimension from whence the van had come was "leaking" into this dimension. The obvious solution was to get the van away from the tree, so Godwin tried descrying it in the hope of figuring out how to operate it. Oddly, he was unable to detect any magic about it, so Kale set to work on descrying efforts of his own. Before he had time to complete his descrying, however, all present were surprised to note that an enormous ape of indeterminate species, with translucent skin, was now bounding toward the tree. As the ape approached, the sun seemed suddenly to grow dimmer, perhaps marking the onset of the frigid doom. Alarmed by the rapidly approaching simian, Kale sounded his mid-level alarm bell to summon guards, then tried to impede the ape's progress toward the tree by creating a huge pit underneath it. Unfortunately, he miscalculated slightly and placed the pit just in front of the ape, which merely leapt over the obstacle, proceeded to the tree, and began to climb it and cavort about. At this point, Kale's attention (as well as everyone else's) was diverted from the ape by a panic-stricken guard, who pointed down the road at yet another approaching threat: an Iron Titan. Kale now sounded his highest alarm bell; Godwin, after thinking about the possibility of running away, decided to cast his "Damage Scapegoat" spell in an effort to ensure that any combat that ensued would not lead to his or his friends' injury and/or death. Jorlie Satch-Anvilson, passing by in the course of his setup efforts, commented that Kale was certainly putting on an impressive pre-show spectacle. Kale jumped on a horse and rode out to meet the approaching titan, waving a white flag and expressing a desire to "parley.” When he did so, a decayed-looking figure with rather long hair showed himself from behind the titan. To Kale's dismay, he recognized in the figure as his undead alternate self, at whose hands (while they had lived) he had once been subjected to torture during a visit to the alternate universe, and whom he had killed on the same occasion when the also now undead Atheza had died. Appropriate greetings, insults, expressions of undying hatred, and bellicose threats were exchanged, and all present (save for the still-oblivious Jorlie and his entourage, and the gathering crowd of innocents come to see the show) steeled themselves for combat.
Meanwhile, inside the tree, Suppel was alarmed by the sound of the huge ape, which he correctly presumed to be the liverless ape of his cast-off religion. Soon the ape gained entry into the tree and tracked Suppel down, whereupon it proceeded (in an amazingly silly and generally ape-like fashion) to take Suppel to task for forsaking him. Not one to be either shamed or intimidated by a scolding from a spurned and angry deity, Suppel responded by cocking the ape off several times and even engaging it in combat, only to quickly find himself knocked down and pinned to the ground by it--spared a lethal crushing thanks only to the ape's good will. After telling Suppel off, the ape got off of him and bounded outside and away from the tree. Running out after it, Suppel, who was drenched in ape blood as a result of having wounded the ape before being pinned to the ground by it, took note of the approaching iron titan and decided to join the others in the impending mortal conflict.
Kale began the offensive against the iron titan by creating another barrier pit, into which the titan partially fell. Merri assumed command of the guards who were operating the ballistae that Kale had recently installed at the top of the tree and got them organized and firing at the titan in an orderly fashion. The titan got off a clean shot at Kale, but Godwin's "Damage Scapegoat" spell saved Kale's life by diverting the damage of the hit to a nearby sapling. Kale then enlarged his pit by casting the spell a second time, causing the titan to fall the rest of the way in. While he and Suppel turned their attention to alter-Kale (whom they initially dispatched relatively quickly), Godwin ran up to the edge of the pit to ascertain the status of the titan, which had righted itself and begun, he discovered, to climb out. He tossed off a fireball at the nearest person who knew that he or she was currently inside an iron titan, then turned and ran as the fireball entered the titan and a horrifying scream emerged from within. Alter-Kale, meanwhile, sought to make good his escape by taking to the air via his version of the Staff of Light and Flight, which caused him to grow giant illusory bat wings in lieu of the eagle wings that Kale sported when using his own staff. Kale attempted pursuit, Suppel grabbed onto one of them and hitched a ride aloft, and airborne antics ensued that ended with alter-Kale escaping and Kale and/or Suppel falling painfully to the ground and hurting himself/themselves.
As the titan emerged from the pit, Godwin renewed his Damage Scapegoat spell (this time using the steps leading into the tree as the "scapegoat") and Merri started the ballistae firing at their target again. Taking advantage of the fact that, since the titan's commander was an alternate version of himself, their voices sounded alike, Kale threw his voice to a point behind the titan and ordered it to fall back and "regroup.” Falling for the ruse, the titan lumbered off into the woods for a bit, buying the group some time during which to strategize. A plan to set fire to the titan was quickly hatched, and when the titan returned, Kale got it to pass under a tree in which Suppel was waiting with buckets of oil, which he proceeded to pour onto the titan as it passed underneath. With the titan thus doused in a flammable substance, the party's goal became to ignite the oil and thereby torch the foe. To this end, Suppel began firing arrows at it in the hope of generating a spark, while Merri got on her pony and, in full plate armor, boldly rode out to meet the titan and hurl her torch at it. Godwin, for his part, cowered in fear, being ambrosially drained and thus nearing the limits of his usefulness. Twice the titan took shots at the hobbit in shining armor and twice she was hit, but both blows glanced off of her armor and she emerged unscathed. Nearing the titan, she threw her torch, then turned and galloped away. The torch missed its target, but at roughly the same time, an arrow from Suppel struck the titan, engulfing it in flames. When Merri turned to look behind her, she naturally concluded that her attack had succeeded and that she was, in fact, the hero of the day. The titan became an inferno in short order, and the surviving operator within (one operator having been taken out by the earlier fireball from Godwin) wisely emerged and surrendered.
As the party recovered from the combat, Jorlie's show reached its finale and then concluded, and the crowd, awed almost beyond their own comprehension by the scope of the spectacle that they had witnessed, rushed out to surround the combatants and the musicians and beg for autographs. But in the midst of all of this, everyone began to notice that during the show/fight-to-the-death, it had begun to grow rather cold--even for the time of year. Suddenly reminded, after the distraction of the titan's attack, of the expected imminence of frigid doom, the party ushered everyone inside (no easy task in light of the fact that the stairs into the tree had been destroyed during the fight, thanks to Godwin's spell). As the cold rapidly grew more intense, and a heavy snow began falling outside, the question of survival came into doubt in spite of the fact that the man from the future had assured the party that they would survive the doom, and the notion of escaping the cold via the tree's mysterious destination-shifting portal was explored. Unfortunately, it was discovered that the portal currently had the bottom of an ocean on its other end, so going through it was not an option. The cold continued to increase in severity, and before long, the occupants of the tree, bundled and huddled for warmth, began losing the will and/or ability to move about. Outside, snowbanks were turning to ice, and in time, the ice crept into the tree, surrounding and encasing its occupants as they faded from consciousness.
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