Potion Deux

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Potion Deux

Potion Deux is a magical beverage made by Functional Beverages, Ltd. that promises its imbibers three things:

A magical beverage that does not taste like swill
'Plustoo': A condition that is metadefinable as having +2 to one's next roll
An 'extreme' experience

Potion Deux delivers on these claims, to greater or lesser extent. Nevertheless, critics of the beverage cite three main problems:

It tastes like citrus swill
It does indeed give you 'plustoo' (i.e., it imparts two extra dice to the next roll the drinker makes after consuming it); however, this 'plustoo' is often used to do something unpredictable and highly foolish;
It has numerous dubious side effects, including:

Overwhelming desire to party
The summoning of weird people from other dimensions
Gross deformation of body shape
Loss of equilibrium
Loss of personal identity
Loss of bladder control
Addiction

Adventurers are widely divided on the quality of its taste, and the effect of drinking it is almost totally unpredictable and dangerous as often as it is beneficial. However, many buy it simply because the FBL does its best to associate the drink with exciting (and “extreme”) adventures. However, due to the inevitability of many negative side effects, no sane individual drinks potion deux for long. Potion Deux also has strange celebrity-summoning effects when mixed with saltwater. For more on Potion Deux (including exactly what happens when you drink it) and the company which makes it, see the mini-adventure supplement Potion Deux: Deux or Dye.

This commercially-hyped drink is rumored to be at the center of several scandals in the Fast Track Campaign.

Potion Deux According to Its Manufacturers

Functional Beverages, Ltd. describes Potion Deux in a press release in the following manner:

What Is Potion Deux?

Potion Deux is the beverage of choice for hundreds of thousands of adventurers!

Whether it’s the drink’s gently throbbing, fluorescent yellow-green color, its thick, bubbly texture, or its explosively fruity and sweet yet pleasantly oily taste, adventurers just can’t get enough of the stuff!

Where Does Potion Deux Come From?

Some people think that Potion Deux is juice from the fruit of the Deux plant. Others think it grows on trees, pre-vialed. Well, those people are wrong. Potion Deux is lovingly manufactured by the fine people here at [Functional Beverages, Ltd.]. [Functional Beverages, Ltd.] is devoted to producing the finest tasting beverages on the market and getting them to you at a price other potion vialers can’t match, with all sorts of magical effects the makers of more mundane beverages, like grapefruit juice and liquified peanuts, can’t reproduce!

What Does Potion Deux Do?

We’re glad you asked! But a better question would be, what doesn’t it do? Potion Deux has a nifty effect for any situation you might encounter. Run into trouble with gnolls in the depths of a dark dungeon? Quaff a vial of Deux! Intimidated by the prospect of launching yourself off the top of a mountain? Quaff a vial of Deux! Stuck in a room with the walls closing around you? Quaff a vial of Deux! It adds “plustwo” to every physical action you undertake! Plus, Potion Deux tastes great! And it’s only one geepee per vial! You won’t find a better deal anywhere!

Why Is It Called “Potion Deux”?

Because it’s new and improved over all the other potions on the market! Ordinary potions can only produce one effect, but the introduction of Potion Deux marks the beginning of a new era in beverage production, because Potion Deux produces a whole slew of magical effects. Since the introduction of Potion Deux marks the introduction of the Second Age of Beverages, we thought it appropriate to give it a name appropriate to that. Since “potion” means “potion” and “deux” means “two,” we combined these two innovative words to get one great name!

Is Potion Deux Dangerous? What Ingredients Are in It?

Some people have tried to claim that Potion Deux’s magical effects are decidedly dangerous, especially in certain situations, and that even apart from the magic, it contains a variety of poisonous chemicals which can ultimately cause various forms of disease. What can we say to this preposterous claim, except that it isn’t true — and that even if it were true, you should drink Potion Deux anyway? Besides, even our detractors have to acknowledge that the chances of our beverage killing you outright are exceedingly low.

As for Potion Deux’s ingredients... well, it’s a secret, but we can tell you that there’s citrus fruit in there, and some magic, and stuff like that. But nothing to worry about, as some people might have suggested! You have our word as a company on on that. And besides, all those weird little ingredients and alchemical effects are there to make the stuff taste good and work great magic, which is good, right? You bet!

Is Potion Deux Tested on Monsters or Adventurers?

For your safety and convenience, it is sometimes necessary to test Potion Deux on living monsters. This is done to make your adventuring experience the best that it can be. All of us here at Functional Beverages, Ltd. wish you the very best, and we do whatever it takes to make sure your liquid-guzzling is as exciting and useful as possible! So happy slaying, and good luck to you and your friends in the dungeon!

In order to enhance your drinking experience, Potion Deux is also sometimes tested on adventurers, but you have our assurance that this never harms them in any way.

The Real Facts About Potion Deux

Potion Deux is a cloying, sticky, bubbly beverage which tastes a lot like certain sodas you yourself may have consumed in the past, only more so. Some people actually enjoy the taste of Potion Deux, and describe it as “a citrus rush with a buttery aftertaste.” Of course, others have described the beverage as “a tart burst of sugary sewage with just a smidgeon of tin.” Some people maintain that the flavor is inconsistent from vial to vial, but even people who hate the stuff seem to keep drinking it anyway, because in fact Potion Deux is addictive.

In addition to possessing what the advertisements assure you is an extremely intense and delicious taste, just about every bottle of Potion Deux has at least one magical effect. Functional Beverages, Ltd. thus markets their tasty potions mainly to wealthy adventurers who are thirsty enough to want an invigorating drink and practical enough to need something that will aid them in slaying dragons, raiding dungeons, and whatever other exciting ventures they might need to engage in. Still, a lot of people just drink it for the taste, or because it’s addictive, and try to shrug off all of the weird side effects.

Functional Beverages likes to stress the fact that Potion Deux can cause a whole bunch of possible positive effects, which is true. The downside to this is not only that many of the effects are also negative, but also that the imbiber has no way to predict which effect will be actualized when the beverage is consumed, meaning that while Potion Deux makes a passable “last resort” in a dangerous situation, it is hardly practical for consumption in response to the ordinary sorts of danger adventurers tend to face (except by adventurers who enjoy the regular and sudden shifts in fortune that normally accompany its casual consumption). While adventurers in general have never been “play it safe” types, the number of adventurers with this relaxed an attitude toward their personal safety is relatively low. Fortunately for [Functional Beverages, Ltd.], however, the drink has enough addicts to keep their business wealthy, and thus producing more and more of the stuff.

The Effects of Potion Deux

A lot of things can happen when you drink Potion Deux. Heck, things can happen if you don’t drink it.

Addiction

First off, Potion Deux is addictive. This means that every time a character consumes some, her player must roll to see if she’s addicted. To do this, make a Resisting Poison check at +3. One degree means you’re left with a minor craving that you can resist, but the next time you drink Deux the check will be at -2. Two or more degrees means that you’re not addicted. Failure means that you experience Slight Withdrawal Symptoms. In about a day, you begin craving Potion Deux, and must make Resisting Urges rolls to avoid drinking more when the opportunity presents itself. If you don’t drink any, you have a -2 penalty to all activity. This lasts 1 to 5 days after the last time you drink Deux.

Magical Effects When Consumed

One of Potion Deux’s main selling points is a new, ingredient called plustwo. To a character in the game drinking Deux, this ingredient feels a lot like a massive sugar rush. In mechanical terms, it gives +2 to all physical skills or proficiencies (in d20 or Higher Arc, respectively — yes, the bonus is the same in both systems). This bonus lasts for 30 seconds (5 rounds).

Potion Deux also causes a particular, specific magical effect which may or may not be beneficial. This effect is actualized only if the majority of the bottle is consumed. Whenever someone drinks Potion Deux, roll d100 and consult the Potion Deux Effects chart. The effects last a long as they’re funny, or as drama dictates. In some cases, they may be permanent.

Potion Deux Effects

Gain (1-50) or lose (51-100) d100 pounds (minimum 9 pounds) without affecting your abilities.
Forget your identity. You have a 50% chance of experiencing severe existential angst.
Your bones turn temporarily to liquid, allowing movement through small places (no ill-effects occur when bones re-solidify).
Your worst fear (1-40), greatest hope (41-80), or both (81-100) are temporarily actualized (via illusions).
Inexplicably gain a detailed knowledge of several real world pop songs which you have the obscene urge to sing.
Gain the ability to screen things out of your range of vision (turn off people, everything but the color red, etc.)
Forget (1-50) or lose the ability to care about (51-100) all social customs.
Gain the ability to hear what the players are saying.
Become invisible.
Get sucked into the empty Potion Deux bottle and roll again for the effect of the beverage.
Become extremely mellow and laid back.
Become incapable of lying (1-50) or telling the truth (51-100).
Become capable of belching flame 20' range (make a missile attack).
Gain the ability to fly via large wings which sprout from your back.
Develop a percent chance of sneezing each round under stressful conditions (roll d100 for percent).
Become immune to fear of dangerous things or performing dangerous tasks.
Become extremely drunk.
Go completely, bonking, gibberingly nuts and try to accomplish your goals in stupid and impossible ways.
Begin to sweat adhesive (1-25), pudding (26-50), fish eggs (51-75), or lamp oil (76-100).
Fall instantly asleep.
Fall in love with the next sapient creature you see.
Become falsely convinced of own invulnerability.
Gain lemon-fresh breath and a sparkling smile, giving you +3 to most persuasion checks (Higher Arc: Eloquence proficiencies; d20: Bluff, Diplomacy, and related skills).
Gain explosive flatulence; farts explode after one round (Higher Arc: farts attack at a proficiency of 20 at ground zero; d20: farts do 2d10 damage at ground zero).
Speak in (1-25) iambic pentameter/limericks/other poetry, (26-50) rhymes, (51-75) riddles, or (76-100) pig latin.
Develop extreme masochistic tendencies and gain pleasure proportional to your wounds (Highe Arc: pain penalties become bonuses until you pass out; d20: you gain +1 for every 5 hit points you lose).
Desire to perform incredibly dangerous sports just for the fun of it.
Your various body parts gain personalities and the ability to speak.
Switch race (1-50) or gender (51-100) over the course of 10 minutes.
Believe self to be a god (1-25), a monster (26-50), some profession (51-75), an object (76-90) or Gary Gygax (91-100).
Gain vision which perceives night as day and day as night.
Become incapable of deriving nourishment from meat (1-25), plant life (26-50), standard rations (51-75), animal and plant life (76-100).
Take on a ridiculous, extreme accent without realizing it (or a ridiculous character voice, like gollum).
Start acting as if you were a character from a movie or TV show known by your player.
Become capable of breathing underwater and in no-oxygen areas.
Become obsessed with a project related to something you perceive.
Become immune to temperature extremes.
Become paranoid that a random person (1-25), random group (26-50), everyone (51-70), aliens (71-80), undead (81-90), or celebrities (91-100), are out to get you.
Lose sight (1-25), hearing (26-50), touch (51-75), or taste and smell (76-100).
Teeth fall out and are replaced with shark's teeth (1-25), semiprecious stones (26-50), baleen (51-75), self-rejuvenating lozenges (76-100). Permanent.
Your speed doubles, allowing you to take twice the actions of others (not to mention making your voice sound squaky and fast).
Develop the desire to undertake the first quest which occurs to you.
Become insubstantial (though visible) except with respect to the ground.
Pass out and have nightmares (1-50) or incredibly exciting (51-100) dreams.
Transform into a clown (feet grow, face acquires weird pigments, nose gets big and red, etc.).
Your player becomes exceedingly toadying toward his or her Cobbler (1-50) or the other way around (51-100).
Body hair begins to grow at a rate of 6' per day.
Gain the ability to see in the dark as if it were day (1-50) or gain sonar (51-100).
Begin broadcasting your thoughts to everyone within 25'.
Your body hair is replaced with barbed wire (1-25), living snakes (26-50), marijuana leaves and buds (51-75), or pocket lint (76-100).
Remember everything anyone says to you in perfect detail and gain the ability to repeat it back in their original voice.
Gain a long (10'), sticky, flexible, and prehensile tongue.
Fall into a coma from which you are astrally projected.
Gain +6 to (Higher Arc: a random proficiency at the Capability level; d20: four random skills).
Become suicidally depressed (1-50) or ecstatically happy (51-100).
Acquire 1d10 body piercings.
Become explosive when you become very angry (your parts reform in 2d10 rounds).
Random body part is reduced in half (1-50) or doubled in size (51-100).
Berserk as a treep or barbarian for 2d10 rounds.
Skin begins to exude copious amounts of mucus, allowing you to slide around (+4) but making it hard to hold things (-4) (both Higher Arc).
Revert to the appearance of a child (1-50) or a venerably old person (51-100) (elves always suffer the first effect).
Have a vision of the players playing the game (in reality).
Get a bad case of the munchies for a random food.
Become extremely melodramatic about everything you do.
Become capable of learning by osmosis (read a page every round by touching it).
Gravity is reversed with respect to you alone (not your possessions).
A genie comes from the bottle to grant one limited wish. The genie will try to interpret the wish in a way that sucks; 30% of the time, the genie and effects are illusions.
Gain +3 to three random skills.
Become acidic to the touch (cause a minor wound to anything touched for a full round; clothes slowly disintegrate).
Begin to glow a random fluorescent color.
Learn one important fact about a subject of interest to you.
Transform into a random animal.
Have flashbacks to a real (1-50) or imagined (51-100) traumatic experience.
Become totally invulnerable except one random weak spot which you have a 10% chance of discussing in any conversation.
Become incredibly skilled at two skills you're the worst at (not counting magic) (+6).
Begin perceiving what's will happen in one round instead of what's currently happening.
Emit pheromones which make you extremely attractive to animals (1-25), monsters (26-50), NPCs (51-75), PCs (76-100).
Teleport (1-50) 1d10 minutes into the future or (51-100) 1d100 feet in a random direction.
Lose all need to sleep for the next 48 hours.
Your head falls off but remains animate.
Gain the ability to read the surface thoughts of NPCs (1-40), all people of your race (41-70) or a random race (71-100) within 10'.
Have an attack of conscience and instantly "switch alignment" (ie, if you're good, become convinced that you're evil, etc.).
Undergo the most extreme euphoria you can imagine (-6 to doing anything constructive).
Your gaze makes people uncomfortable (+3 to negative interactions, -3 to positive ones, both systems).
Acquire an extreme new hairstyle (bleached and spiked, shaved except a front pony tail, etc.).
Enjoy the Potion Deux immensely and become automatically addicted.
Hallucinate the existence of friends (1-25), monsters (26-50), fruitcakes (51-70), insects (71-85), or an orchestra (86-100).
Interpret the next command you're given as a sacred quest you wish to fulfill (if it's too easy, make it complicated).
Become capable of speaking with animals and monsters (1-50) or speak all languages (51-100).
Speech gains reverberating effect (1-20), excessive volume (21-40), distortion (41-60), high pitch (61-80), low pitch (81-100).
Gain scattered memories from the next 1d10 people you touch.
Gain +4 to all (Higher Arc: Maneuver proficiencies; d20: Dexterity skills) while someone's watching.
Reinvent your identity based on the next 1-5 people or objects you perceive.
Grow long claws (1-25), bull horns (26-50), a prehensile tail (51-75), or an extra pair of arms (76-100).
Feel incredibly heroic and gain +10 to the next 3 actions you have to roll for (both systems).
Develop an intense craving for chocolate (1-20), pipeweed (21-50), Potion Deux (51-75), muffins and cottage cheese (76-100).
Take on the intense odor of skunk spray (1-25), coconut (26-50), rotting meat (51-75), or buttered popcorn (76-100).
You display inappropriate emotions (frown when happy, cry when amused, etc.).
Become phobic of the next type of thing you see.
There's no deux in the bottle, but the cork says you win a six-pack.

Drinking More Than One Vial of Deux

It’s not possible to force more than one vial of Deux down one’s throat in a round, due to the fact that it only comes out of the vial so fast, and only so much liquid can fit down the humanoid esophagus at a time. Some adventurers try to bypass these restrictions by injecting it into their veins, funneling it down their throats, pouring the beverage into their stomachs after making a hole in their bellies, or teleporting it into their bloodstream. More than a few people have died this way.

However, it is possible to drink one vial of Deux each round irf you’re really intense about it. If one vial of Deux is consumed while another is still affecting the consumer with an effect from the Potion Deux Effects Chart, the second vial has a 50% chance of canceling the original effect instead of causing its own, new effect.

Bonuses resulting from Potion Deux’s plustwo ingredient are not cumulative. However, each vial consumed adds an additional 30 seconds to the overall time frame during which the +2 bonus applies. Remember, however, that each vial consumed involves the separate possibility of addiction.

Magical Effects When Dumped Or Poured Out

If poured on an object or person, Potion Deux tends to send out a bunch of fluorescent green sparks, yellow foam, and a minor amount of translucent yellow-green fog as the liquid seeps into the ground (or collects in a puddle, as the case may be). When the liquid stops moving, it will cease to emit fog, foam, and sparks, but it will continue glowing slightly even in perfect darkness (even when poured on a living organism). After a few hours outside the bottle, the Deux will lose its bubbly nature, stop glowing, and no longer necessarily cause a magical effect if consumed (though it will still be magical and may, for example, contaminate local wells and the like in sufficient quantities). If shaken vigorously shortly before the vial is uncorked, the Potion Deux will explode from the vial and make a big mess when it’s finally opened.

Magical Effects When Mixed with Saltwater

It’s a little known fact that when mixed with saltwater, Potion Deux has an interesting effect — it creates corrosion in the fabric of gameality in a peculiar way. This has the effect of summoning a celebrity or major personality from the real world. Whenever a bunch of Potion Deux gets mixed with Saltwater, roll d100 and consult the Random Famous & Infamous Celebrity & Personalities chart.

Jimmy Hendrix
Martha Stewart
John Clease
Walter Cronkite
Dr. Suess
The Village People
Roy Rogers
Napolean
H. P. Lovecraft
Alfred Hitchcock
Karl Marx
George W. Bush
Hilary Clinton
Neil Armstrong
Socrates
Your Mother
Ayn Rand
Mother Theresa
Marlyn Manson
Jerry Seinfeld
Queen Elizabeth
Ray Szmanda (Menards Guy)
Charlton Heston
Brittany Spears
Barbara Streisand
Keanu Reaves
William Shakespeare
Zha Zha Gabor
Peter Falk
Jane Goodall
Adolph Hitler
Gengis Kahn
Ossama Bin Laden
Bill Gates
Tanya Harding
Mikhail Gorbechov
Bob Dylan
Woody Allen
1975 Denver Broncos
J. R. R. Tolkien
Kevin Sorbo
Douglas Adams
Mahatma Ghandi
Madonna
Milli Vanilli
Jackie Chan
Howard Stern
Antonio Bandarez
Paul Reubens
Benjamin Franklin
Bruce Lee
Tiger Woods
Jay Leno
John Wilkes Booth
Arnold Schwartzenagger
Helen Keller
Bill Cosby
Gary Gygax
Carl Sagen
Larry King
Mark Rein•Hagen
William Shatner
Stephen Hawking
Pope John Paul II
George Lucas
Joan of Arc
Bela Lugosi
Billy the Kid
Jeffrey Dalhmer
Roger Ebert
Edgar Allan Poe
Ludwig Von Beethoven
Ophrah Winfrey
Emily Dickenson
Terry Prachett
Jesse Ventura
Vanilla Ice
Pat Buchanan
Louie Armstrong
The Beatles
Abraham Lincoln
Sarah Michelle Gellar
Martin Luther King, Jr.
Ross Perot
Amy Fisher
Patrick Stewart
Sigmund Freud
Will Smith
Hank Williams
C. S. Lewis
Uri Geller
Groucho Marx
Marilyn Monroe
Anne Rice
“Weird Al” Yankovic
Paully Shore
Peter Jennings
Michael Jackson
Clint Eastwood
Ronald McDonald

Long-Term Health Effects

The long term health effects of Potion Deux are not yet known, as sufficient research has not yet been done. It probably causes cancer or something, but this is unlikely to come up during your campaign, as cancer virtually never seems to affect PCs.