Just What Is A Monster, Exactly?

Taxonomically speaking, the monster kingdom is one of five major divisions into which all life forms are classified (races, animals, vegetables, minerals, and, of course, monsters). Although this classification system is in widespread use, there is nevertheless considerable debate among taxonomists as to which sorts of creatures fall into which categories. Many taxonomists (particularly those hailing from races conventionally considered “normal”) prefer to define the less common beings and those which are hybrids of the races—even the intelligent ones, such as goblins, leprechauns, and giants—as monsters. Some taxonomists also group orcs and trolls into the monster kingdom. However, taxonomists from many other races—centaurs, for example—maintain with some vehemence that all intelligent creatures are legitimate races, and that classifying them as monsters is offensive and misleading. Emotions are strong on both sides of the issue, and the debate rages in scholarly circles. Sensitive adventurers must consider their word choice carefully to avoid offending the beings they encounter in their adventures.

A related debate concerns the difference between monsters and animals. So far, a number of definitions of the word "monster" have been proposed:

• any creature which owes its existence to magic or possesses magical abilities;

• anyone who is not a member of your party of adventurers;

• anything that goes bump in the night.

For all this classificational uncertainty, however, most adventurers seem to muddle through with only the occasional taxonomic blunder. They seem to know intuitively that while a duck-billed platypus, a black widow spider, and a horse are all animals, a water elemental, a giant spider, and a unicorn are most definitely monsters—even though in many cases the animals seem to have more in common with their monstrous counterparts than with each other. Exactly why this is the case is a source of puzzlement to scholars. The Metaoracles have their own ideas about this, but of course, no one is really listening to them.

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